Do you want to put a smile on someone's face today? Maybe make their day a little better. It won't cost you a single penny or much time to do just that. And because smiling is contagious, it probably won't just be one person you make smile today.
Here are 20 ways to turn that frown upside down.
1. Send some flowers to your partner at work.
2. Compliment a friend or work colleague on their appearance.
3. Donate something to charity.
4. Take a friend out to lunch.
5. Let someone know you miss them.
6. Make a surprise telephone call to your partner at work, just to say hi.
7. Hold a door open for someone walking behind you.
8. Hug your partner for no reason.
9. Leave a joke on a friends answer machine.
10. Send a card to a friend letting them know what a good friend they are.
11. Give up your seat on the train to someone when there aren't any left.
12. Share your umbrella on a rainy day.
13. Ask a friend if they need anything while you're out shopping.
14. When it's raining, plan an indoor picnic with your children.
15. Leave a love letter somewhere where your partner will find it.
16. Send someone an unusual and unexpected gift like chocolate, flowers or sex toys.
17. Tell your child you're proud of them.
18. Tell someone you thought about them the other day.
19. Cook a surprise meal for your partner one night, especially if they normally do the cooking.
20. Tell your partner you love them.
Did you know it takes only 17 muscles to smile, but 43 to frown. Why waste all that energy frowning when you could just smile.
Here are 5 more facts about smiling.
1. Women smile more than men.
2. Smiling releases endorphins that make us feel better.
3. We are all born with the ability to smile, it's not something we learn from others.
4. A smile is a universal expression of happiness.
5. A smiling person is thought to be a more pleasant, attractive, sociable, sincere and competent than a non-smiling person.
Just remember, smiling is the easiest and cheapest way of improving your looks.
woensdag 7 oktober 2009
woensdag 30 september 2009
5 Great Tips To Make Your Goals Your Reality
Goals are a great tool for motivation. But if you don't use them correctly, they can also be a source of frustration. Goals are only empowering if they are used properly. So how do you make a goal into something that is a benefit for you?
Goal-setting strategies are important especially for to help you create the type of success you desire and deserve. Here are five goal-setting techniques to help you realize them.
1. Balance Your Goals: In your life you will have personal development goals, personal finance goals and things goals. Don't neglect any of them. It is ok to want things, but don't forget to balance those pursuits with your own growth as a person. All of these goals are important so be clear about all of them and make them real for you.
2. Plan Actions From Your Goals: Goals are not items for your to do list. Your goal is what you are striving for. Plan specific actions that lead you towards those goals. Use the goals to provide your compass for those actions. When you plan actions for the day you can easily tell if they're going to be effective if you have clear goals to compare them against.
3. Share Your Goals: If you were an archer, would you keep it a secret that your goal is to hit the bull's-eye? Too many keep their goals a secret. Share your goals with people who will support and encourage your aims.
4. Write Down Your Goals: Make your goals real by recording them. Put copies of your goals on index cards and keep copies in the car and in the bathroom and review them regularly. Make them the center of your focus. Don't just set them and then ignore them. Your goals are like a compass to tell you which way to go. The exciting part is that you get to chose the alignment of your compass.
5. Don't Give Up: Your goals and the actions you take to get them are different things. Don't be afraid to try something, fail and try something else. Take effective and massive action to meet your goals and understand that any true goals will take many steps to achieve. Sometimes you will make a misstep, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the goal. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's only those who abandon their goals who don't achieve them.
Goal-setting strategies are important especially for to help you create the type of success you desire and deserve. Here are five goal-setting techniques to help you realize them.
1. Balance Your Goals: In your life you will have personal development goals, personal finance goals and things goals. Don't neglect any of them. It is ok to want things, but don't forget to balance those pursuits with your own growth as a person. All of these goals are important so be clear about all of them and make them real for you.
2. Plan Actions From Your Goals: Goals are not items for your to do list. Your goal is what you are striving for. Plan specific actions that lead you towards those goals. Use the goals to provide your compass for those actions. When you plan actions for the day you can easily tell if they're going to be effective if you have clear goals to compare them against.
3. Share Your Goals: If you were an archer, would you keep it a secret that your goal is to hit the bull's-eye? Too many keep their goals a secret. Share your goals with people who will support and encourage your aims.
4. Write Down Your Goals: Make your goals real by recording them. Put copies of your goals on index cards and keep copies in the car and in the bathroom and review them regularly. Make them the center of your focus. Don't just set them and then ignore them. Your goals are like a compass to tell you which way to go. The exciting part is that you get to chose the alignment of your compass.
5. Don't Give Up: Your goals and the actions you take to get them are different things. Don't be afraid to try something, fail and try something else. Take effective and massive action to meet your goals and understand that any true goals will take many steps to achieve. Sometimes you will make a misstep, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the goal. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's only those who abandon their goals who don't achieve them.
maandag 21 september 2009
Are You a Leader or a Slacker?
Do you claim to be a Leader in your business or your field of expertise?
I have noticed that many people claim to be Leaders, but I consider them Slackers instead. A Slacker is someone that basically likes to give instruction or direction, but takes no action on advancing themselves or their business.
Does this describe you, your up-line or someone else on your
Mastermind Team? Here are some clues that might help you out.
Leader: Praises his/her team and offers encouragement
Slacker: Quick to find fault and slow to give praise
Leader: Holds himself/herself to a higher standard that his/her team
Slacker: Has a high level of expectation for his/her team but doesn’t hold
himself/herself to that same standard
Leader: Leads by example and is a role model for his/her team
Slacker: Blends in with crowd and never steps up to take a leadership role
Leader: Has deep rooted belief in his/her business and leads new teammates
through the growth process (learning the business and facing obstacles)
Slacker: Convinces a person to join his/her team then pawns them off on someone
else or simply pushes them to the side (Referred to as “sign and drop”)
Which of these characteristics, best describes you and your teammates? Be honest with yourself.
Just remember, that a leader must lead and nourish others through the growth process. If he/she loses integrity and fails to take action, then this same failure mindset will ripple down to his/her teammates. A team will duplicate their leader and their leader’s actions.
Let me ask you one last time…Are you a Leader or a Slacker?
I have noticed that many people claim to be Leaders, but I consider them Slackers instead. A Slacker is someone that basically likes to give instruction or direction, but takes no action on advancing themselves or their business.
Does this describe you, your up-line or someone else on your
Mastermind Team? Here are some clues that might help you out.
Leader: Praises his/her team and offers encouragement
Slacker: Quick to find fault and slow to give praise
Leader: Holds himself/herself to a higher standard that his/her team
Slacker: Has a high level of expectation for his/her team but doesn’t hold
himself/herself to that same standard
Leader: Leads by example and is a role model for his/her team
Slacker: Blends in with crowd and never steps up to take a leadership role
Leader: Has deep rooted belief in his/her business and leads new teammates
through the growth process (learning the business and facing obstacles)
Slacker: Convinces a person to join his/her team then pawns them off on someone
else or simply pushes them to the side (Referred to as “sign and drop”)
Which of these characteristics, best describes you and your teammates? Be honest with yourself.
Just remember, that a leader must lead and nourish others through the growth process. If he/she loses integrity and fails to take action, then this same failure mindset will ripple down to his/her teammates. A team will duplicate their leader and their leader’s actions.
Let me ask you one last time…Are you a Leader or a Slacker?
vrijdag 18 september 2009
3 Reasons Why Sales Professionals Need A Life Coach
No matter how well you’re doing in your sales career, I guarantee that a life coach can help you rise to an even greater level of success – a life coach could probably even double your income this year alone. That may sound like a bold statement, but I’ve seen results exactly that dramatic time and time again. So, if you’ve never heard of a life coach, or are familiar with the concept but aren’t really sure how they can help you grow as a sales professional, let me fill you in.
A life coach specializes in inspiring you to go beyond the ordinary, to raise your standards and definition of success to a level that you’re truly capable of reaching. Most people will never achieve what they’re truly capable of, simply because they haven’t formed the right partnership to make it happen. A life coach is exactly that – a true partner in your success.
Here are three more concrete reasons why all sales professionals should consider teaming up with a life coach:
* A life coach not only celebrates your victories, but helps you learn from your setbacks. Let’s face it, in sales we have to get used to rejection. But how you use and learn from that rejection is a major determining factor in how successful you can be. A talented life coach helps put perspective on your successes and failures, so you can benefit from both.
* A life coach doesn’t judge you. I’m not saying that all you’ll ever hear from a life coach is a rosy picture of where you’re headed. That wouldn’t be fair and it’s not the way I handle my clients. But what a life coach should do is listen to what you’re saying without sitting in judgment, and without over-analyzing you.
* A life coach gets to know your values, passion and life-purpose …and holds you to them. It’s easy to get sidetracked, to lose sight of what’s truly important for your life and career. A life coach’s job is to help you maintain your focus so that you don’t get sidetracked. Simply keeping you working towards your ultimate goal is one of the most powerful services a life coach can provide. Take advantage of it.
A life coach specializes in inspiring you to go beyond the ordinary, to raise your standards and definition of success to a level that you’re truly capable of reaching. Most people will never achieve what they’re truly capable of, simply because they haven’t formed the right partnership to make it happen. A life coach is exactly that – a true partner in your success.
Here are three more concrete reasons why all sales professionals should consider teaming up with a life coach:
* A life coach not only celebrates your victories, but helps you learn from your setbacks. Let’s face it, in sales we have to get used to rejection. But how you use and learn from that rejection is a major determining factor in how successful you can be. A talented life coach helps put perspective on your successes and failures, so you can benefit from both.
* A life coach doesn’t judge you. I’m not saying that all you’ll ever hear from a life coach is a rosy picture of where you’re headed. That wouldn’t be fair and it’s not the way I handle my clients. But what a life coach should do is listen to what you’re saying without sitting in judgment, and without over-analyzing you.
* A life coach gets to know your values, passion and life-purpose …and holds you to them. It’s easy to get sidetracked, to lose sight of what’s truly important for your life and career. A life coach’s job is to help you maintain your focus so that you don’t get sidetracked. Simply keeping you working towards your ultimate goal is one of the most powerful services a life coach can provide. Take advantage of it.
woensdag 16 september 2009
20 Ways To Make Someone Smile
Do you want to put a smile on someone's face today? Maybe make their day a little better. It won't cost you a single penny or much time to do just that. And because smiling is contagious, it probably won't just be one person you make smile today.
Here are 20 ways to turn that frown upside down.
1. Send some flowers to your partner at work.
2. Compliment a friend or work colleague on their appearance.
3. Donate something to charity.
4. Take a friend out to lunch.
5. Let someone know you miss them.
6. Make a surprise telephone call to your partner at work, just to say hi.
7. Hold a door open for someone walking behind you.
8. Hug your partner for no reason.
9. Leave a joke on a friends answer machine.
10. Send a card to a friend letting them know what a good friend they are.
11. Give up your seat on the train to someone when there aren't any left.
12. Share your umbrella on a rainy day.
13. Ask a friend if they need anything while you're out shopping.
14. When it's raining, plan an indoor picnic with your children.
15. Leave a love letter somewhere where your partner will find it.
16. Send someone an unusual and unexpected gift like chocolate, flowers or sex toys.
17. Tell your child you're proud of them.
18. Tell someone you thought about them the other day.
19. Cook a surprise meal for your partner one night, especially if they normally do the cooking.
20. Tell your partner you love them.
Did you know it takes only 17 muscles to smile, but 43 to frown. Why waste all that energy frowning when you could just smile.
Here are 5 more facts about smiling.
1. Women smile more than men.
2. Smiling releases endorphins that make us feel better.
3. We are all born with the ability to smile, it's not something we learn from others.
4. A smile is a universal expression of happiness.
5. A smiling person is thought to be a more pleasant, attractive, sociable, sincere and competent than a non-smiling person.
Just remember, smiling is the easiest and cheapest way of improving your looks.
Here are 20 ways to turn that frown upside down.
1. Send some flowers to your partner at work.
2. Compliment a friend or work colleague on their appearance.
3. Donate something to charity.
4. Take a friend out to lunch.
5. Let someone know you miss them.
6. Make a surprise telephone call to your partner at work, just to say hi.
7. Hold a door open for someone walking behind you.
8. Hug your partner for no reason.
9. Leave a joke on a friends answer machine.
10. Send a card to a friend letting them know what a good friend they are.
11. Give up your seat on the train to someone when there aren't any left.
12. Share your umbrella on a rainy day.
13. Ask a friend if they need anything while you're out shopping.
14. When it's raining, plan an indoor picnic with your children.
15. Leave a love letter somewhere where your partner will find it.
16. Send someone an unusual and unexpected gift like chocolate, flowers or sex toys.
17. Tell your child you're proud of them.
18. Tell someone you thought about them the other day.
19. Cook a surprise meal for your partner one night, especially if they normally do the cooking.
20. Tell your partner you love them.
Did you know it takes only 17 muscles to smile, but 43 to frown. Why waste all that energy frowning when you could just smile.
Here are 5 more facts about smiling.
1. Women smile more than men.
2. Smiling releases endorphins that make us feel better.
3. We are all born with the ability to smile, it's not something we learn from others.
4. A smile is a universal expression of happiness.
5. A smiling person is thought to be a more pleasant, attractive, sociable, sincere and competent than a non-smiling person.
Just remember, smiling is the easiest and cheapest way of improving your looks.
vrijdag 11 september 2009
10 Ways To Find Happiness In Retirement
Retirement is not the end but is merely the beginning of a new life, a new you. As such, it is nothing that should be dreaded or something that should cause you unnecessary stress. Instead it should make you happy and can bring you a new sense of pleasure, if only you let it. In this article, we’ll discuss ten ways that you can find happiness in retirement.
1. Be open and receptive – Change your attitude and you’ll change your life. Retirement is simply a new phase of your life one that you can succeed and enjoy if you’re open and receptive to doing so. It is a time to pursue your dreams, aspirations and make your dreams come true.
2. Plan physical and mental activities – A busy mind is a happy mind. By staying physically and mentally active, you will lift your spirits and will be happier.
3. Laugh and have a fun time. Don’t take yourself so seriously. By having fun and not taking life too seriously, you can lift your mood and make yourself and others happy .
4. Don’t be too introverted. Share your burdens with those who love and care about you. This isn’t to say that you should be a worry wart but by revealing your innermost thoughts and feelings, you can positively affect your mental state.
5. Pursue stimulating activities. Figure out the things that you enjoy doing and do more of them. For instance, if you enjoy spending quality time with your grandchildren, plan play dates or other activities with them.
6. Brush up your knowledge – An educated mind is a happy mind. By expanding your learning horizons, you can become happier.
7. Spend quality time with loved ones – Now that you’re retired, you have even more time to spend with those you love. Plan lunch dates or throw a party for family and friends so that you can spend quality time with the people that mean the most to you.
8. Remember the little things mean a lot – Do something nice for someone and you’ll feel good about yourself. Take some time to write someone a note telling them how much they mean to you. Spend time with a friend or ailing relative or engage in some type of volunteer activity.
9. Fulfill your dreams – Consider fulfilling those dreams you had shelved on your way to building a career for yourself. This can be very satisfying.
10. Maintain a positive mental attitude – Do not vegetate just because you have retired. This is the fastest way to breakdown. Maintain a youthful attitude. Take up some hobby and remain active, mentally and physically.
In conclusion, retirement is a time when you can be tremendously happy and fulfilled. You can ensure that this is true by maintaining a positive mental attitude, fulfill your dreams, remember that little things mean a lot, spend quality time with others, brush up on your knowledge, pursue stimulating activities, don’t be too introverted, laugh and have a great time, plan mentally engaging activities, and be open and receptive to experiencing the good life after retirement.
1. Be open and receptive – Change your attitude and you’ll change your life. Retirement is simply a new phase of your life one that you can succeed and enjoy if you’re open and receptive to doing so. It is a time to pursue your dreams, aspirations and make your dreams come true.
2. Plan physical and mental activities – A busy mind is a happy mind. By staying physically and mentally active, you will lift your spirits and will be happier.
3. Laugh and have a fun time. Don’t take yourself so seriously. By having fun and not taking life too seriously, you can lift your mood and make yourself and others happy .
4. Don’t be too introverted. Share your burdens with those who love and care about you. This isn’t to say that you should be a worry wart but by revealing your innermost thoughts and feelings, you can positively affect your mental state.
5. Pursue stimulating activities. Figure out the things that you enjoy doing and do more of them. For instance, if you enjoy spending quality time with your grandchildren, plan play dates or other activities with them.
6. Brush up your knowledge – An educated mind is a happy mind. By expanding your learning horizons, you can become happier.
7. Spend quality time with loved ones – Now that you’re retired, you have even more time to spend with those you love. Plan lunch dates or throw a party for family and friends so that you can spend quality time with the people that mean the most to you.
8. Remember the little things mean a lot – Do something nice for someone and you’ll feel good about yourself. Take some time to write someone a note telling them how much they mean to you. Spend time with a friend or ailing relative or engage in some type of volunteer activity.
9. Fulfill your dreams – Consider fulfilling those dreams you had shelved on your way to building a career for yourself. This can be very satisfying.
10. Maintain a positive mental attitude – Do not vegetate just because you have retired. This is the fastest way to breakdown. Maintain a youthful attitude. Take up some hobby and remain active, mentally and physically.
In conclusion, retirement is a time when you can be tremendously happy and fulfilled. You can ensure that this is true by maintaining a positive mental attitude, fulfill your dreams, remember that little things mean a lot, spend quality time with others, brush up on your knowledge, pursue stimulating activities, don’t be too introverted, laugh and have a great time, plan mentally engaging activities, and be open and receptive to experiencing the good life after retirement.
dinsdag 8 september 2009
11 Great Reasons why Smiling makes us More Successful!
First: Our smile shows others people that we are friendly.
If a stranger approached you and gained eye contact with you and then treated you to a broad smile you will have a fairly good idea that they are being friendly and certainly mean you no harm.
By contrast we would find it far more difficult to offer trust to the stranger that wears a scowl or unfriendly face features.
Second: A smile can make people happy.
When someone treats you to a smile, even a stranger, you usually smile back. For that moment you enjoy a flash of positive communication without saying a word. As you walk through a crowed area such as a main street you can do this hundreds times in a very short period of time.
When you smile at someone who is not already smiling and they smile back you have brought a moment of happiness into their lives which, who knows, could last all day.
Third: Smiling is infectious.
When you spend a lot in the company of someone who smiles a lot you will soon discover that their smile starts to wear off on you. It is hard not to return a smile; most of us do it at a subliminal level without thinking.
Fourth: Smiling can make you popular.
Which type of people do you prefer? A person that has a tired and listless face. An expression that may reflect their inner thoughts of boredom and worry? Or, would you prefer someone who is always smiling and shows that they have an enthusiastic passion for life.
I think for the majority of us the choice would be obvious!
Fifth: Smiling can help you to make new friends
In the same way few of us would choice a miserable person for a friend. Lets face it we all want someone who is going to be bubbly and a happy and positive.
Sixth: A smile is usually returned
When someone smiles back at you it make you feel good inside. You have just made a short but very positive communication and possibly the first step in the process of getting to know or making friends with someone new.
Seventh: Smiling makes you positive and happy inside.
When you smile it is hard to feel unhappy, negative or sad in anyway. Smiling gives you enthusiasm and drive, it is also habit forming.
Eight: A smile makes you look far more attractive.
You don’t see many celebrities or media personalities that are not smiling because if you did it is fairly certain that their popularity would quickly start to drop!
Ninth: Smiling also helps make you memorable to others!
Have you noticed that smiling people are usually far more memorable than those that are not? It is fact that you are 3 time more likely to remember the person that is smiling over the one that is wearing a negative or neutral features.
Tenth: Most importantly, smiling is good for your health!!!
When you are smiling you find whatever you are doing far easier. It releases stress, worry and tension that you may have built up throughout the day. Long term, developing the smiling habit will be one of the smartest things that you can do to improve most aspects of your life.
Eleventh: The effects of smiling can last for hours
Whatever problems and challenges you have in your life, smiling temporary puts them and hold. For a while you forget the problems and become positive, and while you are in a positive state you have far more potential and power to advance and improve your life.
Lastly: Smiling is FREE!
You are never going to run short of smiles and will always have enough to go around. When you weigh up the positive points of smiling it is a no brainer decision to do far more smiling and share them with as many people as possible.
Keep smiling.
If a stranger approached you and gained eye contact with you and then treated you to a broad smile you will have a fairly good idea that they are being friendly and certainly mean you no harm.
By contrast we would find it far more difficult to offer trust to the stranger that wears a scowl or unfriendly face features.
Second: A smile can make people happy.
When someone treats you to a smile, even a stranger, you usually smile back. For that moment you enjoy a flash of positive communication without saying a word. As you walk through a crowed area such as a main street you can do this hundreds times in a very short period of time.
When you smile at someone who is not already smiling and they smile back you have brought a moment of happiness into their lives which, who knows, could last all day.
Third: Smiling is infectious.
When you spend a lot in the company of someone who smiles a lot you will soon discover that their smile starts to wear off on you. It is hard not to return a smile; most of us do it at a subliminal level without thinking.
Fourth: Smiling can make you popular.
Which type of people do you prefer? A person that has a tired and listless face. An expression that may reflect their inner thoughts of boredom and worry? Or, would you prefer someone who is always smiling and shows that they have an enthusiastic passion for life.
I think for the majority of us the choice would be obvious!
Fifth: Smiling can help you to make new friends
In the same way few of us would choice a miserable person for a friend. Lets face it we all want someone who is going to be bubbly and a happy and positive.
Sixth: A smile is usually returned
When someone smiles back at you it make you feel good inside. You have just made a short but very positive communication and possibly the first step in the process of getting to know or making friends with someone new.
Seventh: Smiling makes you positive and happy inside.
When you smile it is hard to feel unhappy, negative or sad in anyway. Smiling gives you enthusiasm and drive, it is also habit forming.
Eight: A smile makes you look far more attractive.
You don’t see many celebrities or media personalities that are not smiling because if you did it is fairly certain that their popularity would quickly start to drop!
Ninth: Smiling also helps make you memorable to others!
Have you noticed that smiling people are usually far more memorable than those that are not? It is fact that you are 3 time more likely to remember the person that is smiling over the one that is wearing a negative or neutral features.
Tenth: Most importantly, smiling is good for your health!!!
When you are smiling you find whatever you are doing far easier. It releases stress, worry and tension that you may have built up throughout the day. Long term, developing the smiling habit will be one of the smartest things that you can do to improve most aspects of your life.
Eleventh: The effects of smiling can last for hours
Whatever problems and challenges you have in your life, smiling temporary puts them and hold. For a while you forget the problems and become positive, and while you are in a positive state you have far more potential and power to advance and improve your life.
Lastly: Smiling is FREE!
You are never going to run short of smiles and will always have enough to go around. When you weigh up the positive points of smiling it is a no brainer decision to do far more smiling and share them with as many people as possible.
Keep smiling.
dinsdag 18 augustus 2009
5 Keys to Success
Treating people with respect wins trust and develops lasting relationships. Here’s what to do.
1) Be on time. In fact, arrive early for appointments and meetings. Plan time milestones in your daily schedule that tell you when to begin transferring to an appointment. That is, note when you will stop working on a task, begin collecting resource materials, and start traveling. Allow time for delays in travel, especially if driving. Consider: The fastest way to destroy people’s trust in you is to waste their time.
2) Communicate with others. Answer your phone and return phone calls. Listen carefully and completely when people talk to you. Show an interest in others before telling about yourself. When making phone calls devote all of your attention to what the other person is saying (instead of time sharing with other tasks, such as checking e-mail or playing computer games). Phone others only when you can devote full attention to what the other person is saying. Consider: ignoring people is rude and unprofessional.
3) Plan projects. For example, always prepare an agenda for meetings. Contact key participants before the meeting to hear their views, solicit suggestions for agenda items, and coach them on how to prepare for the meeting. Send agendas far enough before the meeting so that people have time to prepare. Consider: Bad meetings demonstrate an inability to provide leadership.
4) Be courteous. Find the good in everyone. Compliment others. Avoid starting or listening to gossip. Never ridicule, insult, or make fun of other people. Use positive words, always speaking about what you want and how you want things to be. Avoid suggesting motives or assigning judgments for other people’s actions and views. Consider: Discourtesy damages all relationships.
5) Help others. Be a mentor for newcomers. Share ideas. Teach people skills that will help them excel. Work with a spirit of abundance. Seek win/win results. Let others speak first, even on issues where you are an expert. Give first without attaching a receipt for return favors. Consider: Selfish people end up working harder.
1) Be on time. In fact, arrive early for appointments and meetings. Plan time milestones in your daily schedule that tell you when to begin transferring to an appointment. That is, note when you will stop working on a task, begin collecting resource materials, and start traveling. Allow time for delays in travel, especially if driving. Consider: The fastest way to destroy people’s trust in you is to waste their time.
2) Communicate with others. Answer your phone and return phone calls. Listen carefully and completely when people talk to you. Show an interest in others before telling about yourself. When making phone calls devote all of your attention to what the other person is saying (instead of time sharing with other tasks, such as checking e-mail or playing computer games). Phone others only when you can devote full attention to what the other person is saying. Consider: ignoring people is rude and unprofessional.
3) Plan projects. For example, always prepare an agenda for meetings. Contact key participants before the meeting to hear their views, solicit suggestions for agenda items, and coach them on how to prepare for the meeting. Send agendas far enough before the meeting so that people have time to prepare. Consider: Bad meetings demonstrate an inability to provide leadership.
4) Be courteous. Find the good in everyone. Compliment others. Avoid starting or listening to gossip. Never ridicule, insult, or make fun of other people. Use positive words, always speaking about what you want and how you want things to be. Avoid suggesting motives or assigning judgments for other people’s actions and views. Consider: Discourtesy damages all relationships.
5) Help others. Be a mentor for newcomers. Share ideas. Teach people skills that will help them excel. Work with a spirit of abundance. Seek win/win results. Let others speak first, even on issues where you are an expert. Give first without attaching a receipt for return favors. Consider: Selfish people end up working harder.
vrijdag 14 augustus 2009
8 Steps Towards Becoming The Leader You Need To Be To Succeed
An important part of success in life is the ability to lead. It is important that we not only be able to lead others but be willing to lead ourselves. No one succeeds in life by simply following others. Sometimes we simply must strike a bold new path for ourselves.
Being a good leader is more than simply being at the forefront of the crowd. A leader must act. Too often in America, we simply accept that someone looks or sounds like a leader and too rarely do we actually look at the actions that leader performs -- and that is the true test of leadership.
However, in order to become good leaders ourselves, we need to concentrate on actions rather than simple appearances. The title of this article refers to eight steps, but do not think of these as progressive steps like so many recipes or instruction manuals describe. Instead, think of these as actions that you must take on a regular basis.
First, be alert to new potentials. "Reality" is not absolute but rather subject to constant change. Think about inventors, explorers, and agents of social change who have achieved greatness. Some might simply say that certain people are successful because they are lucky to be in the right place at the right time. Maybe so, but if they hadn't had their eyes open for the opportunity, then it wouldn't have mattered if they were in the right place.
Second, accept inspiration from wherever it comes; even your opponents. The wisest leaders constantly study their competition. In war, politics, and business we constantly see examples of this research and reconnaissance. Too many times though a certain study, many concentrate on finding a weakness to exploit. If you want to a be a leader of positive change don't fall victim to this trend. Instead, if you find a weakness, make sure to avoid that pitfall yourself. If you find the strength then find a way to strengthen your own qualities to match.
Third, learn something new and promote in new ways every day. This means you must continually seek to expand your horizons, internally and externally. Feed your mind with new lessons and knowledge, but constantly expand your social horizons as well. Seek out and meet new people and immerse yourself in new social situations. You never know when these new experiences will help you in your leadership role.
Fourth, search for and find answers in subtle clues. Look beneath the surface and constantly question. This is an extension of the third step in that you are seeking new knowledge. But this also means that you will need to step off the traditional paths of knowledge. Don't simply read books in the literary canon or the bestsellers list. Take seminars rather than classes as there is more room for questioning and debate. Seek out the unconventional thinkers, teachers, and writers.
Fifth, improvise if no existing solutions are available. No excuses. Necessity is the mother of invention. How do you know it won't work if you've never tried it before? Remember, not all approaches need to come from the front. Look at your problem from all sides and systematically attempt different solutions in various combinations.
Six, make at least one person you care about happy every day. If you make it a point to be thoughtful and caring for one person every day then soon this thoughtful, caring behavior will become a habit and that habit will spread to the others around you. Making someone else happy also feeds your own personal happiness. Just imagine how much better the world would be if we all did a little bit more to spread happiness.
Seven, offer help, even if there's no apparent advantage to you. This means more than writing a check. It means giving of your time and energy and yourself. Sometimes it will mean helping someone you don't know and sometimes it can be a very personal action.
Finally, never let negativity be your last word on the subject. If your final words are negative than no matter how hopeful you may be about the potential of a project or action the lasting impression you give to others is one of negativity. Accentuate the positive and you are more likely to see a positive outcome.
If you follow these eight action steps not only you will be a better leader but also lead yourself to a more successful life.
Being a good leader is more than simply being at the forefront of the crowd. A leader must act. Too often in America, we simply accept that someone looks or sounds like a leader and too rarely do we actually look at the actions that leader performs -- and that is the true test of leadership.
However, in order to become good leaders ourselves, we need to concentrate on actions rather than simple appearances. The title of this article refers to eight steps, but do not think of these as progressive steps like so many recipes or instruction manuals describe. Instead, think of these as actions that you must take on a regular basis.
First, be alert to new potentials. "Reality" is not absolute but rather subject to constant change. Think about inventors, explorers, and agents of social change who have achieved greatness. Some might simply say that certain people are successful because they are lucky to be in the right place at the right time. Maybe so, but if they hadn't had their eyes open for the opportunity, then it wouldn't have mattered if they were in the right place.
Second, accept inspiration from wherever it comes; even your opponents. The wisest leaders constantly study their competition. In war, politics, and business we constantly see examples of this research and reconnaissance. Too many times though a certain study, many concentrate on finding a weakness to exploit. If you want to a be a leader of positive change don't fall victim to this trend. Instead, if you find a weakness, make sure to avoid that pitfall yourself. If you find the strength then find a way to strengthen your own qualities to match.
Third, learn something new and promote in new ways every day. This means you must continually seek to expand your horizons, internally and externally. Feed your mind with new lessons and knowledge, but constantly expand your social horizons as well. Seek out and meet new people and immerse yourself in new social situations. You never know when these new experiences will help you in your leadership role.
Fourth, search for and find answers in subtle clues. Look beneath the surface and constantly question. This is an extension of the third step in that you are seeking new knowledge. But this also means that you will need to step off the traditional paths of knowledge. Don't simply read books in the literary canon or the bestsellers list. Take seminars rather than classes as there is more room for questioning and debate. Seek out the unconventional thinkers, teachers, and writers.
Fifth, improvise if no existing solutions are available. No excuses. Necessity is the mother of invention. How do you know it won't work if you've never tried it before? Remember, not all approaches need to come from the front. Look at your problem from all sides and systematically attempt different solutions in various combinations.
Six, make at least one person you care about happy every day. If you make it a point to be thoughtful and caring for one person every day then soon this thoughtful, caring behavior will become a habit and that habit will spread to the others around you. Making someone else happy also feeds your own personal happiness. Just imagine how much better the world would be if we all did a little bit more to spread happiness.
Seven, offer help, even if there's no apparent advantage to you. This means more than writing a check. It means giving of your time and energy and yourself. Sometimes it will mean helping someone you don't know and sometimes it can be a very personal action.
Finally, never let negativity be your last word on the subject. If your final words are negative than no matter how hopeful you may be about the potential of a project or action the lasting impression you give to others is one of negativity. Accentuate the positive and you are more likely to see a positive outcome.
If you follow these eight action steps not only you will be a better leader but also lead yourself to a more successful life.
dinsdag 11 augustus 2009
5 Great Tips To Make Your Goals Your Reality
Goals are a great tool for motivation. But if you don't use them correctly, they can also be a source of frustration. Goals are only empowering if they are used properly. So how do you make a goal into something that is a benefit for you?
Goal-setting strategies are important especially for to help you create the type of success you desire and deserve. Here are five goal-setting techniques to help you realize them.
1. Balance Your Goals: In your life you will have personal development goals, personal finance goals and things goals. Don't neglect any of them. It is ok to want things, but don't forget to balance those pursuits with your own growth as a person. All of these goals are important so be clear about all of them and make them real for you.
2. Plan Actions From Your Goals: Goals are not items for your to do list. Your goal is what you are striving for. Plan specific actions that lead you towards those goals. Use the goals to provide your compass for those actions. When you plan actions for the day you can easily tell if they're going to be effective if you have clear goals to compare them against.
3. Share Your Goals: If you were an archer, would you keep it a secret that your goal is to hit the bull's-eye? Too many keep their goals a secret. Share your goals with people who will support and encourage your aims.
4. Write Down Your Goals: Make your goals real by recording them. Put copies of your goals on index cards and keep copies in the car and in the bathroom and review them regularly. Make them the center of your focus. Don't just set them and then ignore them. Your goals are like a compass to tell you which way to go. The exciting part is that you get to chose the alignment of your compass.
5. Don't Give Up: Your goals and the actions you take to get them are different things. Don't be afraid to try something, fail and try something else. Take effective and massive action to meet your goals and understand that any true goals will take many steps to achieve. Sometimes you will make a misstep, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the goal. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's only those who abandon their goals who don't achieve them.
Goal-setting strategies are important especially for to help you create the type of success you desire and deserve. Here are five goal-setting techniques to help you realize them.
1. Balance Your Goals: In your life you will have personal development goals, personal finance goals and things goals. Don't neglect any of them. It is ok to want things, but don't forget to balance those pursuits with your own growth as a person. All of these goals are important so be clear about all of them and make them real for you.
2. Plan Actions From Your Goals: Goals are not items for your to do list. Your goal is what you are striving for. Plan specific actions that lead you towards those goals. Use the goals to provide your compass for those actions. When you plan actions for the day you can easily tell if they're going to be effective if you have clear goals to compare them against.
3. Share Your Goals: If you were an archer, would you keep it a secret that your goal is to hit the bull's-eye? Too many keep their goals a secret. Share your goals with people who will support and encourage your aims.
4. Write Down Your Goals: Make your goals real by recording them. Put copies of your goals on index cards and keep copies in the car and in the bathroom and review them regularly. Make them the center of your focus. Don't just set them and then ignore them. Your goals are like a compass to tell you which way to go. The exciting part is that you get to chose the alignment of your compass.
5. Don't Give Up: Your goals and the actions you take to get them are different things. Don't be afraid to try something, fail and try something else. Take effective and massive action to meet your goals and understand that any true goals will take many steps to achieve. Sometimes you will make a misstep, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the goal. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's only those who abandon their goals who don't achieve them.
woensdag 29 juli 2009
Inside Out Empowerment
When we are thinking of making changes in our lives, all too often we look externally. We have a perfect picture in our heads about what life should look like then we go about acting on life to give us whatever it is we think would be perfect. The only problem with this approach is that we are giving away our personal power.
Whenever we wait for certain things, people or conditions to be in place in order to be “happy,” what do we do in the meantime? I’ll be happy when my wife cooks more often or I’ll be happier if my husband were more romantic. Or I’ll be happy when my children start listening to what I say and stop sassing me every time I turn around. Or I’d be very happy at work if my boss would just recognize the contributions I make. This is when we want other people to match up to the perfect world we have created in our minds.
Then, there are those situations when we make our happiness contingent on certain things. I’ll be happy if I made more money. I can’t make more money until I finish my degree. I’ll be happy when we can have our own home. I’ll be happy if I can get a new job. I’ll be happy when my parents are healthy. Again, I ask, “What does one do in the meantime?”
While it is perfectly acceptable to hope for things to be different in your life and to strive to improve and make things better, it’s unacceptable to waste your life on negative emotions. There is a saying that you are what you think about and that what you keep in mind expands. So, if you are always focused on the negatives and the things you lack, then you will attract more negative into your.
However, if you focus on the positive and what you have that’s good and helpful, then you will attract more positive things into your life. Which would you rather have? Then you must begin to change your thinking.
We have almost total control over our thinking. I know there are unwelcome thoughts that intrude on our consciousness every day. However, we have the power once they are there to focus our mind elsewhere. All we need is to have a plan in place that whenever I think about X, Y and Z—things I don’t want occupying my mind—then, I will think about my summer vacation instead. Focus on any positive experience—past, present or future.
So why do you have to be the one who changes when it is obvious that the “other person” is the one with the problem. Inside Out Empowerment helps people put ownership of a problem where it belongs—with whoever is the most upset about it. If you are angry because your husband doesn’t take the trash out on time, then which one of you is the most upset with the situation? You are—so it’s your problem. Your husband probably doesn’t even notice that the garbage is an issue.
If you are certain your boss is a controlling, arrogant jerk, do you think he or she is lying awake at night trying to figure out how to be more sensitive. Most likely not. He or she is not even acknowledging a problem. Fixing the problem comes with correct problem attribution. Whose problem is it? Problems belong to the one most disturbed by them and it is that person’s job to seek the solution.
Most of human suffering is our resistance to what exists in our life. We become quite power hungry trying to change others to meet our needs. What would happen if you simply accepted everyone where they are at, without exception? What if you recognized that things are already perfect just the way they are? Could you be more content and happier with the life situations that already exist?
Inside Out Empowerment teaches individuals first to attribute the problem to the correct individual and then works with the problem owner at adjusting his or her behavior. This allows the unhappy person to be in the driver’s seat with his or her own emotions. Starting from the inside out, people empower themselves by adjusting their own thoughts and behavior to manage whatever life throws at them.
Inside Out Empowerment is such a powerful way to unleash your personal power in a big way. What are you waiting for?
Whenever we wait for certain things, people or conditions to be in place in order to be “happy,” what do we do in the meantime? I’ll be happy when my wife cooks more often or I’ll be happier if my husband were more romantic. Or I’ll be happy when my children start listening to what I say and stop sassing me every time I turn around. Or I’d be very happy at work if my boss would just recognize the contributions I make. This is when we want other people to match up to the perfect world we have created in our minds.
Then, there are those situations when we make our happiness contingent on certain things. I’ll be happy if I made more money. I can’t make more money until I finish my degree. I’ll be happy when we can have our own home. I’ll be happy if I can get a new job. I’ll be happy when my parents are healthy. Again, I ask, “What does one do in the meantime?”
While it is perfectly acceptable to hope for things to be different in your life and to strive to improve and make things better, it’s unacceptable to waste your life on negative emotions. There is a saying that you are what you think about and that what you keep in mind expands. So, if you are always focused on the negatives and the things you lack, then you will attract more negative into your.
However, if you focus on the positive and what you have that’s good and helpful, then you will attract more positive things into your life. Which would you rather have? Then you must begin to change your thinking.
We have almost total control over our thinking. I know there are unwelcome thoughts that intrude on our consciousness every day. However, we have the power once they are there to focus our mind elsewhere. All we need is to have a plan in place that whenever I think about X, Y and Z—things I don’t want occupying my mind—then, I will think about my summer vacation instead. Focus on any positive experience—past, present or future.
So why do you have to be the one who changes when it is obvious that the “other person” is the one with the problem. Inside Out Empowerment helps people put ownership of a problem where it belongs—with whoever is the most upset about it. If you are angry because your husband doesn’t take the trash out on time, then which one of you is the most upset with the situation? You are—so it’s your problem. Your husband probably doesn’t even notice that the garbage is an issue.
If you are certain your boss is a controlling, arrogant jerk, do you think he or she is lying awake at night trying to figure out how to be more sensitive. Most likely not. He or she is not even acknowledging a problem. Fixing the problem comes with correct problem attribution. Whose problem is it? Problems belong to the one most disturbed by them and it is that person’s job to seek the solution.
Most of human suffering is our resistance to what exists in our life. We become quite power hungry trying to change others to meet our needs. What would happen if you simply accepted everyone where they are at, without exception? What if you recognized that things are already perfect just the way they are? Could you be more content and happier with the life situations that already exist?
Inside Out Empowerment teaches individuals first to attribute the problem to the correct individual and then works with the problem owner at adjusting his or her behavior. This allows the unhappy person to be in the driver’s seat with his or her own emotions. Starting from the inside out, people empower themselves by adjusting their own thoughts and behavior to manage whatever life throws at them.
Inside Out Empowerment is such a powerful way to unleash your personal power in a big way. What are you waiting for?
dinsdag 28 juli 2009
Making A Life
Tom Paterson, in his book, “Living The Life You Were Meant To Live,” made a very interesting comment. God isn’t interested in us just making a living as He is in us “making a life.” Well said! I believe a good question we can ask is are we so consumed with making a living that we have forgotten how to make a life!
In this world of “me” focus and striving to get ahead, maybe we need to take a deep breath, step back a little and get a larger perspective on life. At the end of our lives, I don’t think it will really matter how much money you and I made or how successful we were. I think the questions we will be concerned about are did we love our God and others well? Did we make a difference in this world? It is not that success or money are a bad things, but Jesus was so right when he said that life was so much more than the things that we possess. At the end of our lives, I think it will be more important to know we were the kind of people that loved and served others well rather than what kind of car we drove, the house we lived in or how much money we made. Did we love with God’s love and did others see in us who Jesus really is.
The reality is that there are no guarantees about time. Time is precious. It waits for no one and it’s the one thing we can never get back. If we postpone what we really want to do in this life, people we want to touch or influence, or even a trip we want to take that time may never come. People wait for retirement to pursue a dream. Retirement comes and health fails and the dream never happens.
Are you making a living or making a life? Why postpone even simple joys another day? Why not take the time for a long walk and actually smell the roses and enjoy God’s beautiful creation? It won’t cost you a thing and will not only renew your senses but also clear your head. Why not take time to lay hold of courage and forgive or to tell someone that you love them? Maybe its time to be a voice of encouragement to someone who desperately needs a kind word or hug. Take the time to cultivate some new friendships or get together with old friends over coffee, dinner. What about the possibility of extending an act of service or kindness to a complete stranger just because you can.
Are you making a living or making a life? What a perspective! When we begin to be people of life instead of performing in life our lives can be not only meaningful but lived with no regrets!
In this world of “me” focus and striving to get ahead, maybe we need to take a deep breath, step back a little and get a larger perspective on life. At the end of our lives, I don’t think it will really matter how much money you and I made or how successful we were. I think the questions we will be concerned about are did we love our God and others well? Did we make a difference in this world? It is not that success or money are a bad things, but Jesus was so right when he said that life was so much more than the things that we possess. At the end of our lives, I think it will be more important to know we were the kind of people that loved and served others well rather than what kind of car we drove, the house we lived in or how much money we made. Did we love with God’s love and did others see in us who Jesus really is.
The reality is that there are no guarantees about time. Time is precious. It waits for no one and it’s the one thing we can never get back. If we postpone what we really want to do in this life, people we want to touch or influence, or even a trip we want to take that time may never come. People wait for retirement to pursue a dream. Retirement comes and health fails and the dream never happens.
Are you making a living or making a life? Why postpone even simple joys another day? Why not take the time for a long walk and actually smell the roses and enjoy God’s beautiful creation? It won’t cost you a thing and will not only renew your senses but also clear your head. Why not take time to lay hold of courage and forgive or to tell someone that you love them? Maybe its time to be a voice of encouragement to someone who desperately needs a kind word or hug. Take the time to cultivate some new friendships or get together with old friends over coffee, dinner. What about the possibility of extending an act of service or kindness to a complete stranger just because you can.
Are you making a living or making a life? What a perspective! When we begin to be people of life instead of performing in life our lives can be not only meaningful but lived with no regrets!
maandag 27 juli 2009
Ready To Snap: Crazy, Busy And The Lure Of Modern Life
Are you too busy? Are you always in a hurry, juggling work and family tasks like balls in the air? Are you ready to snap?
You're not alone. Millions of successful adults are being swept up by today's frenetic, globalized, technology-driven lifestyle. We have plunged into a mad rush of activity, aided by high-speed Internet, cell phones, instant messaging, BlackBerries and email 24/7. We work longer hours, with escalating demands at work and home.
We expect our brains to keep track of more than they can handle and then find ourselves losing and forgetting things-impatient, anxious, worried and plagued by short attention spans. Modern life, for all of its timesaving conveniences, is sapping our creativity, humanity, joy and, occasionally, our sense of humor.
The speed of our lives threatens to destroy our most important connections. Unless you deliberately set aside time for what matters most to you, your connection to it will erode. When it does, you'll find yourself less energetic, less optimistic, less hopeful, less confident and less enthusiastic than before-and you won't even know why.
ADD Nation?
Since the mid-1990s, people have increasingly complained of being chronically inattentive, disorganized and overbooked. Most complaints originate from individuals who do not have clinically diagnosable attention deficit disorder. Instead, they suffer from what Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, author of CrazyBusy (Ballantine Books, 2006), calls "severe cases of modern life."
People have developed environmentally induced attention deficits, he asserts-a phenomenon he describes as the "F-state": frantic, frenzied, forgetful, flummoxed, frustrated and fragmented.
For many people, the F-state is fun. They use email, BlackBerries and other devices to remain stimulated at all times. Doing everything faster feels exciting. But living life faster, always coveting more data, won't increase your sense of fulfillment or deepen your connections to what really matters. Instead, you create the overload you complain about and wind up craving it when faced with moments of stillness.
Human Deficit Disorder
Too much electronic time, coupled with a dearth of human moments, will lead to an as-yet-unnamed medical condition. Symptoms include loss of personal vitality, an inability to converse, a craving for a screen when separated from one and low-grade depression.
Email communication is a poor substitute for authentic human interaction. Electronic messages lack what makes communication interesting and emotional. We send an email because a phone conversation requires too much time, energy and complexity.
At the end of the day, the amount of time spent interacting with others is greatly reduced. While you may, indeed, produce more in less time, you'll be faced with a gnawing feeling of emptiness and lack of fulfillment.
Solutions
No one would suggest giving up laborsaving devices and the conveniences of email and the Internet. You do, however, need a system to stay on top of what matters most to you.
Here are 10 principles to help you stay on track, adapted from CrazyBusy:
1. Do what matters most to you.
2. Create a positive emotional environment-wherever you are-by developing meaningful connections with people and eliminating negativity.
3. Find your rhythm through astute time management and careful planning of your day.
4. Invest your time wisely by paying attention to how you use it.
5. Don't get caught up in screen-sucking.
6. Identify and control sources of distraction.
7. Delegate what you don't like or aren't good at, and become interdependent with others.
8. Slow down. Stop and think.
9. Don't multitask ineffectively.
10. Play.
You're not alone. Millions of successful adults are being swept up by today's frenetic, globalized, technology-driven lifestyle. We have plunged into a mad rush of activity, aided by high-speed Internet, cell phones, instant messaging, BlackBerries and email 24/7. We work longer hours, with escalating demands at work and home.
We expect our brains to keep track of more than they can handle and then find ourselves losing and forgetting things-impatient, anxious, worried and plagued by short attention spans. Modern life, for all of its timesaving conveniences, is sapping our creativity, humanity, joy and, occasionally, our sense of humor.
The speed of our lives threatens to destroy our most important connections. Unless you deliberately set aside time for what matters most to you, your connection to it will erode. When it does, you'll find yourself less energetic, less optimistic, less hopeful, less confident and less enthusiastic than before-and you won't even know why.
ADD Nation?
Since the mid-1990s, people have increasingly complained of being chronically inattentive, disorganized and overbooked. Most complaints originate from individuals who do not have clinically diagnosable attention deficit disorder. Instead, they suffer from what Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, author of CrazyBusy (Ballantine Books, 2006), calls "severe cases of modern life."
People have developed environmentally induced attention deficits, he asserts-a phenomenon he describes as the "F-state": frantic, frenzied, forgetful, flummoxed, frustrated and fragmented.
For many people, the F-state is fun. They use email, BlackBerries and other devices to remain stimulated at all times. Doing everything faster feels exciting. But living life faster, always coveting more data, won't increase your sense of fulfillment or deepen your connections to what really matters. Instead, you create the overload you complain about and wind up craving it when faced with moments of stillness.
Human Deficit Disorder
Too much electronic time, coupled with a dearth of human moments, will lead to an as-yet-unnamed medical condition. Symptoms include loss of personal vitality, an inability to converse, a craving for a screen when separated from one and low-grade depression.
Email communication is a poor substitute for authentic human interaction. Electronic messages lack what makes communication interesting and emotional. We send an email because a phone conversation requires too much time, energy and complexity.
At the end of the day, the amount of time spent interacting with others is greatly reduced. While you may, indeed, produce more in less time, you'll be faced with a gnawing feeling of emptiness and lack of fulfillment.
Solutions
No one would suggest giving up laborsaving devices and the conveniences of email and the Internet. You do, however, need a system to stay on top of what matters most to you.
Here are 10 principles to help you stay on track, adapted from CrazyBusy:
1. Do what matters most to you.
2. Create a positive emotional environment-wherever you are-by developing meaningful connections with people and eliminating negativity.
3. Find your rhythm through astute time management and careful planning of your day.
4. Invest your time wisely by paying attention to how you use it.
5. Don't get caught up in screen-sucking.
6. Identify and control sources of distraction.
7. Delegate what you don't like or aren't good at, and become interdependent with others.
8. Slow down. Stop and think.
9. Don't multitask ineffectively.
10. Play.
zondag 26 juli 2009
6 Tips For Quitting Smoking
If you are currently a smoker, quitting the habit could be one of the most important things you will ever do in the next part of your life. In fact, if you quit now, you will most likely be adding seven years to your life.
While many people try to quit and fail, it is not an impossible task. Thousands of people, just like you, have decided to quit and have succeeded. You too can be among the successful former-smokers. Here are six tips that will help you to quit smoking once and for all:
1. Make a vow that you are going to quit smoking from today onwards
Success in all spheres of life begins with firm determination. If you are wishy-washy you can never do anything. However, if you make up your mind, once and for all, that you are giving up the habit, whenever a craving comes, you will remember your vow and not give in.
2. Exercise more and get your body in shape
If you sit idle there is more chance that you will light up your cigarette and relax. Fill your spare time with sports and vigorous activity. Try to feel how good it is to get your blood circulating and breathing the air deeply. If you are not the athletic type, then brisk walking will have the same benefit as other kinds of sports.
3. Avoid places and pastimes that put you within reach of cigarettes
If going to a bar or pub means that you are going to have a drink and then light up, maybe it is better to avoid that place for the time being. Once you have truly stopped smoking and you feel how good it is, you can go anywhere and not be tempted. But while you are in the transition phase it is better to carefully choose where you will spend your recreational time.
4. If you have to put something in your mouth, drink water or eat healthy snacks
Whenever you get a desire to put a cigarette in your mouth, replace it with something that will help you rather than harm you. Drinking small amounts of water throughout the day is not only a good way to help you quit smoking, but it is also a great way to stay healthy. You should drink 4 litres (quarts) of water per day, if you can. If you need to put something solid in your mouth, then eat a piece of fruit.
5. Get support from your friends and family
Tell them that you are giving up smoking for health reasons. Your true friends will support you and not offer you cigarettes. Your family and loved ones will similarly support your efforts and help you to avoid situations where you may feel obliged to smoke out of social pressure.
6. Strengthen your will power with yoga and meditation
Very few people are born with perfect will-power. Like anything else, practice makes perfect. If you want to strengthen a physical muscle you may work out with weights. If you want to strengthen your “mental muscle” you need exercise as well. Yoga and meditation are disciplines that enable even complete beginners to build up their capacity to concentrate and firmly accomplish whatever they set out to do. Try it out and see for yourself.
Follow these six tips and you will be well on your way to quitting smoking.
While many people try to quit and fail, it is not an impossible task. Thousands of people, just like you, have decided to quit and have succeeded. You too can be among the successful former-smokers. Here are six tips that will help you to quit smoking once and for all:
1. Make a vow that you are going to quit smoking from today onwards
Success in all spheres of life begins with firm determination. If you are wishy-washy you can never do anything. However, if you make up your mind, once and for all, that you are giving up the habit, whenever a craving comes, you will remember your vow and not give in.
2. Exercise more and get your body in shape
If you sit idle there is more chance that you will light up your cigarette and relax. Fill your spare time with sports and vigorous activity. Try to feel how good it is to get your blood circulating and breathing the air deeply. If you are not the athletic type, then brisk walking will have the same benefit as other kinds of sports.
3. Avoid places and pastimes that put you within reach of cigarettes
If going to a bar or pub means that you are going to have a drink and then light up, maybe it is better to avoid that place for the time being. Once you have truly stopped smoking and you feel how good it is, you can go anywhere and not be tempted. But while you are in the transition phase it is better to carefully choose where you will spend your recreational time.
4. If you have to put something in your mouth, drink water or eat healthy snacks
Whenever you get a desire to put a cigarette in your mouth, replace it with something that will help you rather than harm you. Drinking small amounts of water throughout the day is not only a good way to help you quit smoking, but it is also a great way to stay healthy. You should drink 4 litres (quarts) of water per day, if you can. If you need to put something solid in your mouth, then eat a piece of fruit.
5. Get support from your friends and family
Tell them that you are giving up smoking for health reasons. Your true friends will support you and not offer you cigarettes. Your family and loved ones will similarly support your efforts and help you to avoid situations where you may feel obliged to smoke out of social pressure.
6. Strengthen your will power with yoga and meditation
Very few people are born with perfect will-power. Like anything else, practice makes perfect. If you want to strengthen a physical muscle you may work out with weights. If you want to strengthen your “mental muscle” you need exercise as well. Yoga and meditation are disciplines that enable even complete beginners to build up their capacity to concentrate and firmly accomplish whatever they set out to do. Try it out and see for yourself.
Follow these six tips and you will be well on your way to quitting smoking.
zaterdag 25 juli 2009
3 Ways to Become a Super Person
I was driving down the freeway the other day when I saw a billboard with a picture of Christopher Reeve on it. The caption simply read, “Super man.” People might have remembered him for his timeless portrayal of Superman. But they will never forget his tireless crusade on behalf of disabled everywhere. The tragic horse-riding accident that left him paralyzed also gave him wings to soar above his physical limitations. That’s not to say that it wasn’t difficult for him. He even contemplated suicide at one point. So it made me think, what characteristics did he have that made him so strong?
Courage. Most of us shy away from a challenge. Maybe we don’t like confrontation, or maybe we just want to take the path of least resistance. But there comes a time when we, individually, must face our deepest fears. It could be accepting a job that moves you half way across the country. Or walking out on a relationship that should have ended ten years ago. Whatever is keeping you from enjoying your life needs to be examined, evaluated, and executed. No one’s going to do it for you. Be brave.
Optimism. Ever hear the old glass half full/half empty analogy? Well, it’s true. You have a 50/50 chance of being positive or negative. Which side do you find yourself on most of the time? Negative thinking can be a very hard habit to break. But the good thing is, it is easily remedied. How? Speak positively. Act positively. Replace negative self-talk with uplifting messages that you tape to your mirror and day planner. And before you know it, you will think positively. Action precedes attitude. A good attitude is contagious, so surround your self with people who are upbeat and encouraging.
Self-determination. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? A person without a goal is like a bus without a driver. Don’t let limitations, either real or perceived, keep you from your objective. And don’t listen to the nay Sayers, even if at times you think they must be right. If something is important to you, stick with it. You will be amazed at what you can do.
There is a bit of a superhero in all of us. Sometimes, it takes an unexpected event to bring that hero out. And sometimes, we can help someone else see that hero in themselves.
Courage. Most of us shy away from a challenge. Maybe we don’t like confrontation, or maybe we just want to take the path of least resistance. But there comes a time when we, individually, must face our deepest fears. It could be accepting a job that moves you half way across the country. Or walking out on a relationship that should have ended ten years ago. Whatever is keeping you from enjoying your life needs to be examined, evaluated, and executed. No one’s going to do it for you. Be brave.
Optimism. Ever hear the old glass half full/half empty analogy? Well, it’s true. You have a 50/50 chance of being positive or negative. Which side do you find yourself on most of the time? Negative thinking can be a very hard habit to break. But the good thing is, it is easily remedied. How? Speak positively. Act positively. Replace negative self-talk with uplifting messages that you tape to your mirror and day planner. And before you know it, you will think positively. Action precedes attitude. A good attitude is contagious, so surround your self with people who are upbeat and encouraging.
Self-determination. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? A person without a goal is like a bus without a driver. Don’t let limitations, either real or perceived, keep you from your objective. And don’t listen to the nay Sayers, even if at times you think they must be right. If something is important to you, stick with it. You will be amazed at what you can do.
There is a bit of a superhero in all of us. Sometimes, it takes an unexpected event to bring that hero out. And sometimes, we can help someone else see that hero in themselves.
vrijdag 24 juli 2009
5 Seconds To Smashing More Arguments With NLP
Last time the used car salesman pitched a lemon at you, he called the high price tag an "investment." Didn't sound so bad did it? He gift wrapped his words.
When you were fired, they called it a strategic downsizing. Now that didn't make you any better off... but it sure sounded nicer than being "fired"
Euphemisms are efficient linguistic tactics to counter objections. The key is to redefine certain words in an antagonist's statement such that his objection no longer seems so overwhelming.
Through redefinition we create new "frame" meanings about a behaviour by re-labeling a key word that's part of the belief statement. The relabeling frames the entire belief statement with a new meaning.
Redefinition asserts that "X doesn't mean Y, it means Z" Since X=Z and not Y, we now have a totally new belief statement. hopefully a more empowering one.
Here are some questions you can test yourself with to increase your flexibility at reframing: What meanings have other people given to this objection/ belief?
What other meanings could I attribute this behavior? What value could this belief have in other nations or cultures?
The secret to reframing: Simply replace one of the key words in the argument such that it subtly changes the sentence's meaning.
1. "It doesn't mean x, it means y"
2. "It doesn't cause x," it causes y"
3. "If you really want to see a case of x, consider."
Let's do some reframes, after all, practice makes perfect.
Objection: You were too tough on your employees; it's unkind! How do you expect to motivate them?
Answer: I agree that they might be hurt at first. But tough words also have its place. In this instance, I'm actually not criticizing without just cause. I'm simply expressing my feelings so they'll know where I stand. Would you rather I lied? You believe in assertive conversation, don't you?
Objection: You're tardy for the umpteenth time. You don't care about me.
Answer: My being late doesn't imply I don't care. It means I had a lot of things to do at work today; it also means I want to get everything out of my mind so when I get home I can fully relish being with you and show you how much I truly care!
When you were fired, they called it a strategic downsizing. Now that didn't make you any better off... but it sure sounded nicer than being "fired"
Euphemisms are efficient linguistic tactics to counter objections. The key is to redefine certain words in an antagonist's statement such that his objection no longer seems so overwhelming.
Through redefinition we create new "frame" meanings about a behaviour by re-labeling a key word that's part of the belief statement. The relabeling frames the entire belief statement with a new meaning.
Redefinition asserts that "X doesn't mean Y, it means Z" Since X=Z and not Y, we now have a totally new belief statement. hopefully a more empowering one.
Here are some questions you can test yourself with to increase your flexibility at reframing: What meanings have other people given to this objection/ belief?
What other meanings could I attribute this behavior? What value could this belief have in other nations or cultures?
The secret to reframing: Simply replace one of the key words in the argument such that it subtly changes the sentence's meaning.
1. "It doesn't mean x, it means y"
2. "It doesn't cause x," it causes y"
3. "If you really want to see a case of x, consider."
Let's do some reframes, after all, practice makes perfect.
Objection: You were too tough on your employees; it's unkind! How do you expect to motivate them?
Answer: I agree that they might be hurt at first. But tough words also have its place. In this instance, I'm actually not criticizing without just cause. I'm simply expressing my feelings so they'll know where I stand. Would you rather I lied? You believe in assertive conversation, don't you?
Objection: You're tardy for the umpteenth time. You don't care about me.
Answer: My being late doesn't imply I don't care. It means I had a lot of things to do at work today; it also means I want to get everything out of my mind so when I get home I can fully relish being with you and show you how much I truly care!
donderdag 23 juli 2009
Solutions For Extreme Shyness
Are you ever shy? Shyness is actually very common.
Most people experience some degree of shyness from time to time in certain situations. In fact, only about 7% of people claim that they never feel shy. For the rest of us, shyness can range from being a minor inconvenience, to being a major problem.
Some people suffer from overwhelming shyness that is extreme. Such acute shyness is not only very painful to experience, but it can be devastating in its effects on a person’s social life, happiness, and career.
The degree of shyness can vary a lot from person to person, and even in the same person it can vary depending on the situation.
Some shy people are paralyzed with fear in small social gatherings, yet they may be able to speak in front of an audience of thousands of people. Some people are only shy the first few times they meet someone new.
Various psychological therapies have been used to treat extreme shyness, but most of them have limited success. The most successful approaches for treating shyness use some variation of cognitive therapy, or behavioral therapy, or both of these, combined with graduated and increasing exposure to the feared situation.
In cognitive therapy, the patient is taught to notice the thoughts he is thinking while he is in the feared situation. The client learns to challenge his thoughts to see if they fit reality. If these thoughts do not match the reality, the client is taught to substitute more realistic thoughts in their place.
Behavioral therapy aims to change the client’s behavior using a program of positive reinforcement of the desired behavior, and negative reinforcement of the undesired behavior.
Both cognitive therapy and behavior therapy focus on teaching the client to deal with situations and symptoms in the present. Neither form of therapy delves into situations in the client’s distant past. Those forms of psychotherapy that attempt to deal with shyness by delving into the client’s past history have not been shown to be effective.
In the past decade, researchers have discovered that some anti-depressant medications, particularly the so-called SSRI’s (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors), can also be very helpful in the treatment of extreme shyness.
One of these SSRI drugs, Paxil, was the first to receive American F.D.A. approval as an effective treatment for social anxiety. In fact, ads for Paxil as a treatment for social anxiety have been marketed directly to the public, not just to doctors.
Does drug treatment for shyness really work? Some very socially anxious people who have tried everything that regular psychotherapy has to offer, including cognitive therapy, still suffer from terrible shyness until they try SSRI drugs. In some cases, the improvement in their shyness symptoms happens very quickly. This class of drugs seems to help the socially anxious person turn down the excessive volume of their inner judgmental thoughts.
Does this mean you should consider taking a pill to make you more friendly? There are pros and cons to be considered when deciding whether or not to take a drug for social anxiety. The SSRI drugs can cause nervous agitation, insomnia, weight gain, and loss of interest in sexual activity.
SSRI drugs may have serious long term effects on the brain which are not known yet.
Some medical doctors and psychologists are concerned that we are using powerful medications to treat shyness, which is a common, normal human condition.
It can be very easy to find a doctor who will prescribe a pill for you to overcome your social anxiety. However, when you stop taking the drug, your shyness will probably reappear.
If you spend several months working with an experienced shyness therapist learning new ways of thinking and behaving when you are around other people, it is more likely that the improvements will last for the rest of your life.
Most people experience some degree of shyness from time to time in certain situations. In fact, only about 7% of people claim that they never feel shy. For the rest of us, shyness can range from being a minor inconvenience, to being a major problem.
Some people suffer from overwhelming shyness that is extreme. Such acute shyness is not only very painful to experience, but it can be devastating in its effects on a person’s social life, happiness, and career.
The degree of shyness can vary a lot from person to person, and even in the same person it can vary depending on the situation.
Some shy people are paralyzed with fear in small social gatherings, yet they may be able to speak in front of an audience of thousands of people. Some people are only shy the first few times they meet someone new.
Various psychological therapies have been used to treat extreme shyness, but most of them have limited success. The most successful approaches for treating shyness use some variation of cognitive therapy, or behavioral therapy, or both of these, combined with graduated and increasing exposure to the feared situation.
In cognitive therapy, the patient is taught to notice the thoughts he is thinking while he is in the feared situation. The client learns to challenge his thoughts to see if they fit reality. If these thoughts do not match the reality, the client is taught to substitute more realistic thoughts in their place.
Behavioral therapy aims to change the client’s behavior using a program of positive reinforcement of the desired behavior, and negative reinforcement of the undesired behavior.
Both cognitive therapy and behavior therapy focus on teaching the client to deal with situations and symptoms in the present. Neither form of therapy delves into situations in the client’s distant past. Those forms of psychotherapy that attempt to deal with shyness by delving into the client’s past history have not been shown to be effective.
In the past decade, researchers have discovered that some anti-depressant medications, particularly the so-called SSRI’s (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors), can also be very helpful in the treatment of extreme shyness.
One of these SSRI drugs, Paxil, was the first to receive American F.D.A. approval as an effective treatment for social anxiety. In fact, ads for Paxil as a treatment for social anxiety have been marketed directly to the public, not just to doctors.
Does drug treatment for shyness really work? Some very socially anxious people who have tried everything that regular psychotherapy has to offer, including cognitive therapy, still suffer from terrible shyness until they try SSRI drugs. In some cases, the improvement in their shyness symptoms happens very quickly. This class of drugs seems to help the socially anxious person turn down the excessive volume of their inner judgmental thoughts.
Does this mean you should consider taking a pill to make you more friendly? There are pros and cons to be considered when deciding whether or not to take a drug for social anxiety. The SSRI drugs can cause nervous agitation, insomnia, weight gain, and loss of interest in sexual activity.
SSRI drugs may have serious long term effects on the brain which are not known yet.
Some medical doctors and psychologists are concerned that we are using powerful medications to treat shyness, which is a common, normal human condition.
It can be very easy to find a doctor who will prescribe a pill for you to overcome your social anxiety. However, when you stop taking the drug, your shyness will probably reappear.
If you spend several months working with an experienced shyness therapist learning new ways of thinking and behaving when you are around other people, it is more likely that the improvements will last for the rest of your life.
woensdag 22 juli 2009
Work Life Balance And The Power of Positive Thinking
It's important to get a handle on mood swings or energy shifts if you want to maintain your work life balance and be successful in business. According to psychologist and researcher Martin Seligman, some folks appear to be hardwired to respond optimistically and hopefully to work life balance upset and life's ups and downs. Others are wired for opposite responses. Fortunately, you do not have to settle for the wiring you were born with. With practice you can improve your resilience and your hopefulness by acquiring solid positive thinking skills.
I like to think of the process of building hopefulness, resilience and positive thinking skills as an analogue to building physical fitness: it takes attention, concentration, commitment, and repetition. If you approach a workout program with those qualities, you can almost always improve your fitness.
The first hurdle to get over is the belief that you already need to be different in order to succeed. You don't. You are the way you are and you can start from here, overwhelmed, worried, anxious, whatever. Don't fall into your story about how you feel, but take a stand for what you intend to accomplish to restore your work life balance and where you plan to go. You do not need to feel better before you try these practices -- do them now. Another caveat: Do not interpret your progress in the short term -- measuring increase in strength and endurance after a single workout would be silly.
Seligman points out that people with an optimistic approach to life habitually accept positive thoughts and dispute negative thoughts. Those of us who are wired to be more pessimistic tend to dispute the positive and accept the negative. Optimists tend to assume that their life balance will be restored, good events will happen again and that bad events are an exception; pessimists assume the reverse. I am oversimplifying his rigorously considered arguments, and I encourage you to read the book if the science of this is important to you.
Here's a practice he recommends for shifting from hopelessness to hopefulness. I successfully use it with my clients to help them restore their work life balance. He calls it ABCDE for:
Adversity -- Beliefs -- Consequences -- Disputation -- Energization.
A - Adversity
Start by spelling out the nature of the situation. Notice that you can experience hopelessness in response to ostensibly positive situations as well as to negative ones. For example, getting a new client or being accepted into a final round of interviews can upset your balance and send you into a whirlwind of anxiety and fear that produces just as much hopelessness and overwhelm as not getting the job or not making the cut.
B -- Beliefs
This is your opportunity to spell out the thoughts and beliefs that are fueling the negative response.
C -- Consequences
Look at the consequences of your beliefs -- what happened as a result? How do you behave? What happened then?
D -- Disputation
Actively dispute the beliefs that break your life balance and send you into the downward spiral. This is where you practice arguing with yourself in a productive way.
E -- Energization
When you have been effective in disputing the problem beliefs, you feel an influx of energy, a sense of renewed hope, or at least of peacefulness.
So, here's an example from my life:
Adversity:
I was excited about moving forward on two projects when I fell on my bike and cracked my ribs. I was okay and working hard with this for almost three days, then depression and anxiety set in and my usual positive thinking ability left me. Instead of feeling like moving forward I felt like bursting into tears.
Beliefs:
How will I ever restore my work life balance and get things done if I can't stop these mood swings? Maybe I am just not meant to lead these projects. I don't know enough and I can't seem to get started -- I probably should have said no in the first place. It would be better to bow out now, as embarrassing as that will be, than to keep going and have a bigger train wreck later when I just can't make the grade.
Consequences:
These beliefs leave me feeling very sad and small, like a six year old, and then I wonder how a six year old can possibly be a leader. I find it hard to concentrate and I just want to hide.
Disputation:
Constant low-grade pain can take it out of anyone. The world is not going to come to an end if you delay things because you've been injured. And who says you have to do it alone anyway? Some of the problem is that you don't have enough information to go forward. That calls for making requests of others, not for blaming yourself. And when you're not leaning on yourself so hard, your positive thinking ability starts coming back and your mood lightens -- so maybe it would be smart to cut yourself some slack this week after letting folks know what is going on. You don't have to crawl under a rock -- you can reach out instead to restore your work life balance. And even if some work projects end up being passed on to others, there will always be other opportunities.
Energization:
I called and emailed colleagues to regroup. Not only did these conversations relieve my anxiety, they made simple next steps quite clear. In one case, my summary of a conversation ended up being exactly what our group needed to move forward. Who knew? I had been worried about making things happen on my own when all along my strength was in articulating and clarifying complex input from many sources.
See how this works? I do strongly recommend the book as there are many more practices in it that address different aspects of overwhelm and ways to restore your work life balance. But if you struggle with hopelessness and challenge yourself to work through this one exercise on a regular basis (and if that means five or ten times a day, so be it), your positive thinking skills will grow and you WILL get relief. Remember -- don't measure change before it can happen -- keep doing the practices long enough for significant positive shifts to take root and grow.
I like to think of the process of building hopefulness, resilience and positive thinking skills as an analogue to building physical fitness: it takes attention, concentration, commitment, and repetition. If you approach a workout program with those qualities, you can almost always improve your fitness.
The first hurdle to get over is the belief that you already need to be different in order to succeed. You don't. You are the way you are and you can start from here, overwhelmed, worried, anxious, whatever. Don't fall into your story about how you feel, but take a stand for what you intend to accomplish to restore your work life balance and where you plan to go. You do not need to feel better before you try these practices -- do them now. Another caveat: Do not interpret your progress in the short term -- measuring increase in strength and endurance after a single workout would be silly.
Seligman points out that people with an optimistic approach to life habitually accept positive thoughts and dispute negative thoughts. Those of us who are wired to be more pessimistic tend to dispute the positive and accept the negative. Optimists tend to assume that their life balance will be restored, good events will happen again and that bad events are an exception; pessimists assume the reverse. I am oversimplifying his rigorously considered arguments, and I encourage you to read the book if the science of this is important to you.
Here's a practice he recommends for shifting from hopelessness to hopefulness. I successfully use it with my clients to help them restore their work life balance. He calls it ABCDE for:
Adversity -- Beliefs -- Consequences -- Disputation -- Energization.
A - Adversity
Start by spelling out the nature of the situation. Notice that you can experience hopelessness in response to ostensibly positive situations as well as to negative ones. For example, getting a new client or being accepted into a final round of interviews can upset your balance and send you into a whirlwind of anxiety and fear that produces just as much hopelessness and overwhelm as not getting the job or not making the cut.
B -- Beliefs
This is your opportunity to spell out the thoughts and beliefs that are fueling the negative response.
C -- Consequences
Look at the consequences of your beliefs -- what happened as a result? How do you behave? What happened then?
D -- Disputation
Actively dispute the beliefs that break your life balance and send you into the downward spiral. This is where you practice arguing with yourself in a productive way.
E -- Energization
When you have been effective in disputing the problem beliefs, you feel an influx of energy, a sense of renewed hope, or at least of peacefulness.
So, here's an example from my life:
Adversity:
I was excited about moving forward on two projects when I fell on my bike and cracked my ribs. I was okay and working hard with this for almost three days, then depression and anxiety set in and my usual positive thinking ability left me. Instead of feeling like moving forward I felt like bursting into tears.
Beliefs:
How will I ever restore my work life balance and get things done if I can't stop these mood swings? Maybe I am just not meant to lead these projects. I don't know enough and I can't seem to get started -- I probably should have said no in the first place. It would be better to bow out now, as embarrassing as that will be, than to keep going and have a bigger train wreck later when I just can't make the grade.
Consequences:
These beliefs leave me feeling very sad and small, like a six year old, and then I wonder how a six year old can possibly be a leader. I find it hard to concentrate and I just want to hide.
Disputation:
Constant low-grade pain can take it out of anyone. The world is not going to come to an end if you delay things because you've been injured. And who says you have to do it alone anyway? Some of the problem is that you don't have enough information to go forward. That calls for making requests of others, not for blaming yourself. And when you're not leaning on yourself so hard, your positive thinking ability starts coming back and your mood lightens -- so maybe it would be smart to cut yourself some slack this week after letting folks know what is going on. You don't have to crawl under a rock -- you can reach out instead to restore your work life balance. And even if some work projects end up being passed on to others, there will always be other opportunities.
Energization:
I called and emailed colleagues to regroup. Not only did these conversations relieve my anxiety, they made simple next steps quite clear. In one case, my summary of a conversation ended up being exactly what our group needed to move forward. Who knew? I had been worried about making things happen on my own when all along my strength was in articulating and clarifying complex input from many sources.
See how this works? I do strongly recommend the book as there are many more practices in it that address different aspects of overwhelm and ways to restore your work life balance. But if you struggle with hopelessness and challenge yourself to work through this one exercise on a regular basis (and if that means five or ten times a day, so be it), your positive thinking skills will grow and you WILL get relief. Remember -- don't measure change before it can happen -- keep doing the practices long enough for significant positive shifts to take root and grow.
dinsdag 21 juli 2009
The Greatest Secret Of The Universe
The goal of human life, according to yogis and sages, is to unite one’s individual consciousness with the Supreme Consciousness. This union of one’s small “I” with the Cosmic “I” is also known as yoga. Anyone who has ever tried to meditate knows that achieving the final goal of yoga is not as easy as it sounds. Many people, in fact, give up the pursuit before they reach the goal. Despite this seeming difficulty there is a simple technique that can put the achievement of ultimate bliss within the reach of everyone.
Before I reveal the “greatest secret of the universe” it is useful to understand how the process of meditation actually works. “As you think, so you become” is the principle upon which meditation is based. If you think about something that is limited or small, then your mind becomes small.
On the other hand, if you forget about the physical world around you, turn your attention within and begin concentrated thinking on an infinite object your mind begins to expand. If you continue the process in a systematic way, regularly every day, then your individual consciousness will one day merge with the Supreme Consciousness.
The greatest obstacle on this path is your own ego. Of course you need an ego to even begin meditation. After all it only when you say “I will practice meditation today” that you can get started. However, during the process of meditation it becomes bothersome if instead of thinking about the Supreme Consciousness you begin to think about “my job”, “my house, “my car” and other things connected with your everyday life.
With constant practice you can overcome your attachment to mundane objects and one day arrive at a state when there will only be one thought in your mind, “I am the Supreme Consciousness.” This is a great achievement (known in yoga as Savikalpa Samadhi) but even in this state your “I” feeling still exists. As long as your feeling of individual consciousness exists, you will remain separate from ultimate union with the Supreme Consciousness.
Here is where the “greatest secret of the universe” can help you out. Normally when you meditate, you are the subject and the Supreme Consciousness is the object of your thoughts. If you turn it all around and think that the Supreme Consciousness is the subject and you are his object then your meditation will change dramatically.
It will become much easier to remain in a meditative state when you think that the Supreme Consciousness is all around you, witnessing you, meditating on you. Instead of trying to meditate on the Supreme Consciousness, let him meditate on you! What could be simpler?
As simple as this technique is, it is the key to reaching a state where there is no feeling of your individual “I” and only the oneness of blissful union with the infinite.
There is an old story that illustrates this process. A seeker came to a door and knocked. A voice asked, “Who’s there?” The seeker responded, “I am here.” The door remained locked and there was no reply from within. The seeker returned another day and tried once more. Again when asked “Who’s there?” he replied “I am here.” And again he failed to enter.
Finally one day he knocked at the door and when the voice asked, “Who’s there?” he replied, “Thou” and the door opened for him.
Before I reveal the “greatest secret of the universe” it is useful to understand how the process of meditation actually works. “As you think, so you become” is the principle upon which meditation is based. If you think about something that is limited or small, then your mind becomes small.
On the other hand, if you forget about the physical world around you, turn your attention within and begin concentrated thinking on an infinite object your mind begins to expand. If you continue the process in a systematic way, regularly every day, then your individual consciousness will one day merge with the Supreme Consciousness.
The greatest obstacle on this path is your own ego. Of course you need an ego to even begin meditation. After all it only when you say “I will practice meditation today” that you can get started. However, during the process of meditation it becomes bothersome if instead of thinking about the Supreme Consciousness you begin to think about “my job”, “my house, “my car” and other things connected with your everyday life.
With constant practice you can overcome your attachment to mundane objects and one day arrive at a state when there will only be one thought in your mind, “I am the Supreme Consciousness.” This is a great achievement (known in yoga as Savikalpa Samadhi) but even in this state your “I” feeling still exists. As long as your feeling of individual consciousness exists, you will remain separate from ultimate union with the Supreme Consciousness.
Here is where the “greatest secret of the universe” can help you out. Normally when you meditate, you are the subject and the Supreme Consciousness is the object of your thoughts. If you turn it all around and think that the Supreme Consciousness is the subject and you are his object then your meditation will change dramatically.
It will become much easier to remain in a meditative state when you think that the Supreme Consciousness is all around you, witnessing you, meditating on you. Instead of trying to meditate on the Supreme Consciousness, let him meditate on you! What could be simpler?
As simple as this technique is, it is the key to reaching a state where there is no feeling of your individual “I” and only the oneness of blissful union with the infinite.
There is an old story that illustrates this process. A seeker came to a door and knocked. A voice asked, “Who’s there?” The seeker responded, “I am here.” The door remained locked and there was no reply from within. The seeker returned another day and tried once more. Again when asked “Who’s there?” he replied “I am here.” And again he failed to enter.
Finally one day he knocked at the door and when the voice asked, “Who’s there?” he replied, “Thou” and the door opened for him.
maandag 20 juli 2009
The Truth About Hypnosis
Hypnosis can be a mystical subject. Many hypnotists shroud it in an almost metaphysical aura. This can add power to the process in many ways. However, there are many people who are not receiving the benefits of hypnosis merely because they do not understand it and are fearful of its use. In this article I have outlined some basic fundamentals of the subject so that after reading it you can make a more informed choice as to whether it is right for you or not.
Hypnosis is older than you can imagine. It has been used for thousands of years. Hypnosis, or more accurately trance, is a completely natural state of mind which you move in and out of everyday. It is, in effect, an altered state of consciousness. You are neither asleep nor are you completely conscious or wide awake. A common illustration of this can be seen in the simple act of watching a movie. If you are enjoying the movie then, albeit only temporarily, your conscious mind stops processing your immediate surroundings as you emerse yourself in the world that is being presented to you on the screen. If you did not enter into a light state of trance while watching such programmes they would not give the pleasure they do. You must "lose yourself" in the characters believing them to be real people in order for the film and plot to be entertaining. We all know how bad a film is when we just can't make a connection with the characters, so we just don't find them convincing - the movie loses its hypnotic power and no longer becomes entertaining! Hypnotic trance is really just a state of deep relaxation which creates, what are called alpha and sometimes theta waves in the brain. Sometimes a subject can be in a fairly deep state of trance without even knowing it, they merely think they are very relaxed. In very rare cases the subject thinks they just fell asleep!
Everyone can be hypnotized. However, all forms of Hypnosis are really self hypnosis. For in order to be hypnotized you must first be willing to hand over control to the hypnotist. Without consensual participation from a subject a hypnotist is virtually powerless. Having said that, it is extremely difficult to hypnotise a person who is very drunk, or has taken drugs (these people are already in a self-induced state of trance and directing them into a different altered state becomes almost impossible). In addition it is impossible to hypnotize someone who is adamant they don't want to undergo hypnosis!
Hypnotherapy is a very specific form of hypnosis mostly used by health care professionals. As hypnosis is an extremely powerful tool for gaining access to the subconscious mind many emotionally created illnesses can be treated with hypnotherapy. In fact, as the medical profession becomes more aware of the role the mind plays in illness and healing, they have that some physical ailments, such as warts and skin disorders like eczema, can be successfully treated with hypnosis. Simply stated Hypnotherapy is an alternative therapy that uses hypnosis as a catalyst for creating inner change in a patient that may take months or even years of traditional therapy techniques.
Hypnosis is completely safe! It is just an efficient quick method for entering a deep relaxed, natural state of mind and body. There are no drugs involved, no unpleasant nor unwanted side-effects and it is in no way addictive. You just need a comfortable chair, couch or bed, a willingness to relax and let-go and a trained professional or professional recording to listen to.
You are always in control of yourself before, during and after a hypnosis session. If you are a particularly "good subject" you may forget the experience afterwards but during the hypnosis session you are always aware of what is happening! You cannot be made to do nor say anything that is against your moral or ethical codes not matter what Hollywood may tell you in "The Manchurian Candidate"! You will be able to hear everything that is being said to and everything that is happening around you. There are many people who actually become very sensitive to their environment. Their 5 senses become heightened and they are even more aware of the smallest of details while in trance. Of course you go back to normal upon "wakening".
The vast majority of people remember everything that was said to them by the therapist when the hypnosis session is over. In fact it's a pretty good bet to say that everyone who reads this article will be in that group.
It is the job of a hypnotherapist to make you feel comfortable before, during and after a session so if, at anytime, you feel uncomfortable with what the therapist is doing or saying tell them to stop! In order to get the most from any hypnosis session you must be able to relate to the hypnotist or hypnotherapist and trust them. For this reason all reputable hypnosis professionals give a free consultation before you ever enter a trance state. Seek out a hypnotist you feel comfortable with and who makes you feel that they can get the results that you are looking for - after all you are in charge!
Hypnosis is merely a tool. It is a highly effective method for producing inner change that is permanent. I can understand that some religions forbid their followers to take part in anything that may cause them to lose control of their mental, emotional and conscious functions but believing that hypnosis or a hypnotist can do any of these things is just a misunderstanding of the process. Hypnosis in no way interferes with your free will. You will not do anything that is against your ethics. Under no circumstances will you ever do anything that is totally unacceptable to you or goes against your personal code of conduct. Neither will you do anything that is against your moral code or which feels wrong to do. If strutting around like a chicken would cause you serious embarrassment then you just won't do it!
There is no danger of becoming trapped in a trance state. This is another Hollywood myth designed for entertainment purposes and has absolutely no basis in fact. The real fact is, you can terminate the hypnotic session at any time you wish just by opening your eyes and stretching! If a hypnotist, for any reason, were to leave you in a hypnotised state or a hypnotic recording stopped unexpectedly, you would either wake immediately or fall into a natural, light state of sleep and wake after a very short space of time - and this would only happen if you wanted to stay in the relaxed state!
The cost of hypnosis and hypnotherapy vary depending on your location, the popularity of the therapist, and the length and nature of the sessions you wish to purchase. Don't go for the cheap option! Visit a few hypnosis centers. Take the free consultation. these consultations are designed so that you can make a choice as to whether the hypnotist is the right person for you or not. Its his/her job to convince you of that. A good start is to experience hypnosis through a carefully chosen tape, CD or MP3. By using a pre-made recording you can experience, in the comfort of your own home or office, the relaxing meditative state of trance and see whether it is for you or not!
Hypnosis is older than you can imagine. It has been used for thousands of years. Hypnosis, or more accurately trance, is a completely natural state of mind which you move in and out of everyday. It is, in effect, an altered state of consciousness. You are neither asleep nor are you completely conscious or wide awake. A common illustration of this can be seen in the simple act of watching a movie. If you are enjoying the movie then, albeit only temporarily, your conscious mind stops processing your immediate surroundings as you emerse yourself in the world that is being presented to you on the screen. If you did not enter into a light state of trance while watching such programmes they would not give the pleasure they do. You must "lose yourself" in the characters believing them to be real people in order for the film and plot to be entertaining. We all know how bad a film is when we just can't make a connection with the characters, so we just don't find them convincing - the movie loses its hypnotic power and no longer becomes entertaining! Hypnotic trance is really just a state of deep relaxation which creates, what are called alpha and sometimes theta waves in the brain. Sometimes a subject can be in a fairly deep state of trance without even knowing it, they merely think they are very relaxed. In very rare cases the subject thinks they just fell asleep!
Everyone can be hypnotized. However, all forms of Hypnosis are really self hypnosis. For in order to be hypnotized you must first be willing to hand over control to the hypnotist. Without consensual participation from a subject a hypnotist is virtually powerless. Having said that, it is extremely difficult to hypnotise a person who is very drunk, or has taken drugs (these people are already in a self-induced state of trance and directing them into a different altered state becomes almost impossible). In addition it is impossible to hypnotize someone who is adamant they don't want to undergo hypnosis!
Hypnotherapy is a very specific form of hypnosis mostly used by health care professionals. As hypnosis is an extremely powerful tool for gaining access to the subconscious mind many emotionally created illnesses can be treated with hypnotherapy. In fact, as the medical profession becomes more aware of the role the mind plays in illness and healing, they have that some physical ailments, such as warts and skin disorders like eczema, can be successfully treated with hypnosis. Simply stated Hypnotherapy is an alternative therapy that uses hypnosis as a catalyst for creating inner change in a patient that may take months or even years of traditional therapy techniques.
Hypnosis is completely safe! It is just an efficient quick method for entering a deep relaxed, natural state of mind and body. There are no drugs involved, no unpleasant nor unwanted side-effects and it is in no way addictive. You just need a comfortable chair, couch or bed, a willingness to relax and let-go and a trained professional or professional recording to listen to.
You are always in control of yourself before, during and after a hypnosis session. If you are a particularly "good subject" you may forget the experience afterwards but during the hypnosis session you are always aware of what is happening! You cannot be made to do nor say anything that is against your moral or ethical codes not matter what Hollywood may tell you in "The Manchurian Candidate"! You will be able to hear everything that is being said to and everything that is happening around you. There are many people who actually become very sensitive to their environment. Their 5 senses become heightened and they are even more aware of the smallest of details while in trance. Of course you go back to normal upon "wakening".
The vast majority of people remember everything that was said to them by the therapist when the hypnosis session is over. In fact it's a pretty good bet to say that everyone who reads this article will be in that group.
It is the job of a hypnotherapist to make you feel comfortable before, during and after a session so if, at anytime, you feel uncomfortable with what the therapist is doing or saying tell them to stop! In order to get the most from any hypnosis session you must be able to relate to the hypnotist or hypnotherapist and trust them. For this reason all reputable hypnosis professionals give a free consultation before you ever enter a trance state. Seek out a hypnotist you feel comfortable with and who makes you feel that they can get the results that you are looking for - after all you are in charge!
Hypnosis is merely a tool. It is a highly effective method for producing inner change that is permanent. I can understand that some religions forbid their followers to take part in anything that may cause them to lose control of their mental, emotional and conscious functions but believing that hypnosis or a hypnotist can do any of these things is just a misunderstanding of the process. Hypnosis in no way interferes with your free will. You will not do anything that is against your ethics. Under no circumstances will you ever do anything that is totally unacceptable to you or goes against your personal code of conduct. Neither will you do anything that is against your moral code or which feels wrong to do. If strutting around like a chicken would cause you serious embarrassment then you just won't do it!
There is no danger of becoming trapped in a trance state. This is another Hollywood myth designed for entertainment purposes and has absolutely no basis in fact. The real fact is, you can terminate the hypnotic session at any time you wish just by opening your eyes and stretching! If a hypnotist, for any reason, were to leave you in a hypnotised state or a hypnotic recording stopped unexpectedly, you would either wake immediately or fall into a natural, light state of sleep and wake after a very short space of time - and this would only happen if you wanted to stay in the relaxed state!
The cost of hypnosis and hypnotherapy vary depending on your location, the popularity of the therapist, and the length and nature of the sessions you wish to purchase. Don't go for the cheap option! Visit a few hypnosis centers. Take the free consultation. these consultations are designed so that you can make a choice as to whether the hypnotist is the right person for you or not. Its his/her job to convince you of that. A good start is to experience hypnosis through a carefully chosen tape, CD or MP3. By using a pre-made recording you can experience, in the comfort of your own home or office, the relaxing meditative state of trance and see whether it is for you or not!
zondag 19 juli 2009
Gain 100% Control Over Your Relaxation and Sleeping Time
In today's high stress, high anxiety world, rest is the single most important thing you can do for yourself. The time that you select to relax or sleep can rejuvenate your body and mind or, it can be a frustrating task of tossing and turning to seek comfort and relief from pain.
Sleep experts and the medical community constantly remind us that unless we rest well and comfortably, problems can result. These problems can be physical as well as mental.
Disorders related to sleep and rest have been linked to such medical maladies as back and breathing problems, irritability and depression, weight gain, and more. Finding a solution to each of these sleep-related problems can be long and disconcerting.
Pills may offer some relief, but this is usually temporary as the effectiveness of the medication lessens with constant use. Breathing machines have improved sleep for persons with sleep apnea and "white noise" has offered relief for those who have trouble falling asleep.
After years of study and experimentation, experts are rapidly coming to the conclusion that getting a good night's sleep may actually depend on the type of bed you're sleeping upon.
Beds have evolved through history from makeshift palettes made from leaves to the adjustable beds of today that conform to your body's every want and need. These beds were originally designed to offer comfort and relaxation. Now, they're being touted as the new age solution to sleep or rest dilemmas.
Sleep Deprivation Can Deprive You of Quality of Life
Sleep deprivation can deprive you in other ways that you've probably never thought of. For example, lack of a peaceful night's sleep can affect your waking hours in ways that cause poor job performance or safety issues such as drowsiness while driving a car or operating machinery.
"Time" magazine recently published that "getting a good night's sleep is an ordeal for 70 million Americans." To better understand how sleep deprivation can affect your quality of life, sleep clinics have popped up all over the country in an effort to study sleep problems and find solutions.
The good news from these studies is that your sleep surface can be a major solution to most rest and relaxation problems that can lead to medical difficulties. It makes perfect sense that if you can adjust your bed to obtain the ultimate comfort and pain relief, you'll have the ultimate good night's sleep.
If you stay awake at night because of your partner's tossing and turning, a dual adjustable bed can be a great solution to that problem. Back support and body alignment that adjustable beds offer can also help you in your quest for rest.
Adjustable beds bear no resemblance to the old, mechanical hospital beds of the past. Manufacturers now produce remote controlled, electronically operated beds and have made them longer, wider and more durable than ever before.
You can also find an adjustable bed that blends with your décor, uses ordinary sized linen and offers approximately a thousand different positions so that you can find the perfect comfort level.
Don't let sleep deprivation ruin your quality of life. Research and consider an adjustable bed to see what it can do for you.
Why A Stationary Bed Isn't Enough
In order to gain 100% control over your sleep and relaxation, the bed that you choose needs to conform to your body's needs. If you're suffering from sleep deprivation, don't underplay the significance of how your bed can control the quality of your life.
Adjustable bed manufacturers such as Simmons, Craftmatic, Tempurpedic and Electropedic offer many options that cater to your comfort needs and will help you gain control of your sleep and relaxation problems.
These options range from heaters and massagers to the latest technology in positioning. If you suffer from allergies, you can find an adjustable bed that is resistant to bacteria, mold, mildew and mites. Adjustable beds offer everything that a top quality stationary bed has - and so much more.
The proper adjustable bed can be your ultimate sanctuary from stress and pain. Don't skimp on your health and comfort needs when they might just be a comfortable night's sleep away on an adjustable bed.
zaterdag 18 juli 2009
Change Up! - Attitude Is Everything
"Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact." - William James
Attitude is everything. I know that you've heard this before and either agreed or disagreed. Either way, you were confirming its truth. Attitude is a filter for everything going into your mind and everything coming out of your mind. Right now, I have no idea what you are thinking because your attitude is unique to you.
It's not a matter of having a bad or good attitude. Everyone's attitude is influenced by so many thoughts at one time that it is almost inevitable that your attitude is always a mixture of positive and negative words and images. While most people speak at 150 to 200 words per minute, research suggests that we think at about 1,300 words per minute. Additionally, many of our thoughts are images, which could encompass thousands of words at once.
Like Herding Cats. I know this seems a bit overwhelming at the moment, but if you stick with me, it will become clear. As with most complex issues, there are many causes and variations within the issues. There can literally be thousands of permutations with any issue. However, as Dr. Phil said on a recent show, "while the problems are complex, the solutions are simple".
Don't Yell at the Computer. What I'm about to write may shock you, but here goes. There are really only three emotions: love, anger, and fear. Love draws you toward something, anger pits you against something, and fear chases you away from something. All of your feelings are a combination of these three emotions. Whether you're happy, sad, worried, anxious, depressed, afraid, or content, these feelings all stem from these emotions.
This is good news. If we can understand what's driving our thoughts, then we can change them. When you make a decision, you can trace that decision back to your thoughts at the time you were deciding. Even though you may not be aware, you are always talking to yourself. Some of you just said to yourself, "no I'm not".
The way to change your behavior is to change your attitude. To change your attitude, you must separate the stimulus from the response. Unlike animals, humans have the ability to choose their response to any situation. There is a space, even though it can be milliseconds at times, that we may choose how to react in every situation. Many people allow their subconscious to make these decisions, which is why they feel so out of control. We can take back control.
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company ...a church ...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past ...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ...I am convinced that life is 10hat happens to me and 90ow I react to it. And so it is with you ...we are in charge of our attitudes." - Charles Swindoll
Attitude is everything. I know that you've heard this before and either agreed or disagreed. Either way, you were confirming its truth. Attitude is a filter for everything going into your mind and everything coming out of your mind. Right now, I have no idea what you are thinking because your attitude is unique to you.
It's not a matter of having a bad or good attitude. Everyone's attitude is influenced by so many thoughts at one time that it is almost inevitable that your attitude is always a mixture of positive and negative words and images. While most people speak at 150 to 200 words per minute, research suggests that we think at about 1,300 words per minute. Additionally, many of our thoughts are images, which could encompass thousands of words at once.
Like Herding Cats. I know this seems a bit overwhelming at the moment, but if you stick with me, it will become clear. As with most complex issues, there are many causes and variations within the issues. There can literally be thousands of permutations with any issue. However, as Dr. Phil said on a recent show, "while the problems are complex, the solutions are simple".
Don't Yell at the Computer. What I'm about to write may shock you, but here goes. There are really only three emotions: love, anger, and fear. Love draws you toward something, anger pits you against something, and fear chases you away from something. All of your feelings are a combination of these three emotions. Whether you're happy, sad, worried, anxious, depressed, afraid, or content, these feelings all stem from these emotions.
This is good news. If we can understand what's driving our thoughts, then we can change them. When you make a decision, you can trace that decision back to your thoughts at the time you were deciding. Even though you may not be aware, you are always talking to yourself. Some of you just said to yourself, "no I'm not".
The way to change your behavior is to change your attitude. To change your attitude, you must separate the stimulus from the response. Unlike animals, humans have the ability to choose their response to any situation. There is a space, even though it can be milliseconds at times, that we may choose how to react in every situation. Many people allow their subconscious to make these decisions, which is why they feel so out of control. We can take back control.
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company ...a church ...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past ...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ...I am convinced that life is 10hat happens to me and 90ow I react to it. And so it is with you ...we are in charge of our attitudes." - Charles Swindoll
vrijdag 17 juli 2009
Addiction to Self-Judgment
“I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?”“I’m a looser. I’ll never get anywhere.”“I’m so stupid. I should have learned this by now.”“I don’t fit in. I don’t belong with these people.”“I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never do it right enough.”“I’m permanently emotionally damaged. I’ll never be okay.”“No one could love me. I’m not lovable.”
…and so on and so on.
Are you aware of your self-judgments? Are you aware of how often you judge yourself as bad, wrong, or inadequate? Are you aware of how you end up feeling as a result of your self-judgments?
In my counseling work with people, I find that self-judgment is one of the major causes of fear, anger, anxiety and depression. Yet most people don’t realize that these painful feelings are the result of their own thoughts, their own self-judgments. Most of the time, when I ask an anxious client why they are feeling anxious, they tell me that it’s because of something that happened to them. They usually believe that an event or a person caused their anxiety. Yet when I ask them what they are thinking that might be causing their anxiety, they will tell me a self-judgment such as, “I’ll never get this right,” or they are projecting their own judgment onto me and telling themselves, “Margaret doesn’t like me,” or “Margaret is getting impatient with me.” When they judge themselves or make up that I’m judging them, they get anxious. There is nothing actually happening that is causing their anxiety, other than their own thoughts.
Pointing out to them that they are causing their anxiety with their self-judgment doesn’t not necessarily stop the judgment. This is because self-judgment is often an addiction. An addiction is a habitual behavior that is intended to protect against pain. What is the pain that self-judgment is intended to protect against?
Generally, the hope of self-judgment is to protect against rejection and failure. The false beliefs are that, “If I judge myself, then others won’t judge me and reject me. I can be safe from others’ judgment by judging myself first,” or “If I judge myself, I can motivate myself to do things right and succeed. Then I will feel safe and be loved and accepted by others.”
However, just as a child does far better in school with encouragement than with criticism, so do we as adults. Criticism tends to scare and immobilize us. Instead of motivating us, it often creates so much anxiety that we get frozen and become unable to take appropriate action for ourselves. More self-judgment follows the lack of action, which results in more anxiety and immobilization, until we create a situation where we are completely stuck and miserable.
The way out of this is to become aware of the feelings of fear, anxiety, anger or depression and then ask yourself, “What did I just tell myself that is creating this feeling?”
Once you become aware of the self-judgment, you can then ask yourself, “Am I certain that what I am telling myself is true?” If you are not 100% certain that what you are telling yourself is true, you can ask your higher, wise self or a spiritual source of wisdom, “What is the truth?” If you are really open to learning about the truth, the truth will pop into your mind, and it will be much different than what you have been telling yourself.
For example, “I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?” becomes “We all mess up at times. It’s okay to make mistakes - it’s part of being human. Making a mistake does not mean that you are a jerk.” When we open to the truth, we will discover a kind and compassionate way of speaking to ourselves, a way that makes us feel loved and safe rather than anxious, angry or depressed.
Addictions are always challenging to resolve, and an addiction to self-judgment is no exception. So be easy on yourself, and don’t judge yourself for judging yourself! It will take time and dedication to become aware of your self-judgments and learn to be kind toward yourself, but the end result is so worth the effort!
…and so on and so on.
Are you aware of your self-judgments? Are you aware of how often you judge yourself as bad, wrong, or inadequate? Are you aware of how you end up feeling as a result of your self-judgments?
In my counseling work with people, I find that self-judgment is one of the major causes of fear, anger, anxiety and depression. Yet most people don’t realize that these painful feelings are the result of their own thoughts, their own self-judgments. Most of the time, when I ask an anxious client why they are feeling anxious, they tell me that it’s because of something that happened to them. They usually believe that an event or a person caused their anxiety. Yet when I ask them what they are thinking that might be causing their anxiety, they will tell me a self-judgment such as, “I’ll never get this right,” or they are projecting their own judgment onto me and telling themselves, “Margaret doesn’t like me,” or “Margaret is getting impatient with me.” When they judge themselves or make up that I’m judging them, they get anxious. There is nothing actually happening that is causing their anxiety, other than their own thoughts.
Pointing out to them that they are causing their anxiety with their self-judgment doesn’t not necessarily stop the judgment. This is because self-judgment is often an addiction. An addiction is a habitual behavior that is intended to protect against pain. What is the pain that self-judgment is intended to protect against?
Generally, the hope of self-judgment is to protect against rejection and failure. The false beliefs are that, “If I judge myself, then others won’t judge me and reject me. I can be safe from others’ judgment by judging myself first,” or “If I judge myself, I can motivate myself to do things right and succeed. Then I will feel safe and be loved and accepted by others.”
However, just as a child does far better in school with encouragement than with criticism, so do we as adults. Criticism tends to scare and immobilize us. Instead of motivating us, it often creates so much anxiety that we get frozen and become unable to take appropriate action for ourselves. More self-judgment follows the lack of action, which results in more anxiety and immobilization, until we create a situation where we are completely stuck and miserable.
The way out of this is to become aware of the feelings of fear, anxiety, anger or depression and then ask yourself, “What did I just tell myself that is creating this feeling?”
Once you become aware of the self-judgment, you can then ask yourself, “Am I certain that what I am telling myself is true?” If you are not 100% certain that what you are telling yourself is true, you can ask your higher, wise self or a spiritual source of wisdom, “What is the truth?” If you are really open to learning about the truth, the truth will pop into your mind, and it will be much different than what you have been telling yourself.
For example, “I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?” becomes “We all mess up at times. It’s okay to make mistakes - it’s part of being human. Making a mistake does not mean that you are a jerk.” When we open to the truth, we will discover a kind and compassionate way of speaking to ourselves, a way that makes us feel loved and safe rather than anxious, angry or depressed.
Addictions are always challenging to resolve, and an addiction to self-judgment is no exception. So be easy on yourself, and don’t judge yourself for judging yourself! It will take time and dedication to become aware of your self-judgments and learn to be kind toward yourself, but the end result is so worth the effort!
donderdag 16 juli 2009
Addiction Treatment Is A Choice
People become victims of substance abuse for different and often inscrutable reason. But whatever these reasons are, it is undeniable that this problem wrecks havoc in the lives of its victims and the society. It is proven that there is a connection between the increasing crime rate and substance use. Other than being perpetrators of crimes, people under the influence of substances damage their own health. Cases of drug overdose, alcohol-driven accidents, and infections are common in emergency rooms, hospitals, and sadly, even morgues. But there is still hope for the family, friends, and the addicted individuals. Different addiction treatment programs are launched yearly by the government and other civilian organizations in hopes of promoting a healthier and peaceful society.
But addiction treatment is a delicate issue. Substance dependents take a long time before accepting that they have a problem. Denial often delays seeking for treatment which often results in growing severity in the dependency. Even family and friends ignore warning signs of drug abuse or alcoholism in their loved ones because they simply can't accept that the problem exists. Dependents and their families often think that they can solve or stop the habit by themselves. However, substance dependency is not just an excessive physical craving; it is also a psychological problem. Without professional help, the chances of recovery and avoiding relapse are very low to none.
Admittedly, there is no permanent cure for addiction. Recovery and treatment are continuos and life-long processes. But there are several ways to considerably lighten the burden. Support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and community organizations with treatment programs guide dependents to recovery. In joining these groups, dependents get the chance to relate and share experiences with persons battling the same problem. These groups are also facilitated by people who are experts in substance abuse counseling. A common practice in these groups is the surrender of the dependents to Higher Powers which guide them through the process. Dependents who undergo this form of recovery describe it as deeply spiritual and life-changing.
If surrendering oneself to another is not the dependent's cup of tea, there is another treatment program that banks on individual power. The SMART Recovery addiction treatment rejects the Higher Power but instead urges individuals to find within themselves the strength to overcome their problem. The treatment is abstinence-based - the individual has the competency to choose a better life over the substance he is addicted to.
No matter what form of addiction treatment a dependent follows, it is important to emphasize that no one becomes sober overnight. It is also important to stress that relapse is still a strong possibility. Substance abuse programs are only there to help, not to cure. Having a better life is a choice dependents have to make for themselves.
But addiction treatment is a delicate issue. Substance dependents take a long time before accepting that they have a problem. Denial often delays seeking for treatment which often results in growing severity in the dependency. Even family and friends ignore warning signs of drug abuse or alcoholism in their loved ones because they simply can't accept that the problem exists. Dependents and their families often think that they can solve or stop the habit by themselves. However, substance dependency is not just an excessive physical craving; it is also a psychological problem. Without professional help, the chances of recovery and avoiding relapse are very low to none.
Admittedly, there is no permanent cure for addiction. Recovery and treatment are continuos and life-long processes. But there are several ways to considerably lighten the burden. Support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and community organizations with treatment programs guide dependents to recovery. In joining these groups, dependents get the chance to relate and share experiences with persons battling the same problem. These groups are also facilitated by people who are experts in substance abuse counseling. A common practice in these groups is the surrender of the dependents to Higher Powers which guide them through the process. Dependents who undergo this form of recovery describe it as deeply spiritual and life-changing.
If surrendering oneself to another is not the dependent's cup of tea, there is another treatment program that banks on individual power. The SMART Recovery addiction treatment rejects the Higher Power but instead urges individuals to find within themselves the strength to overcome their problem. The treatment is abstinence-based - the individual has the competency to choose a better life over the substance he is addicted to.
No matter what form of addiction treatment a dependent follows, it is important to emphasize that no one becomes sober overnight. It is also important to stress that relapse is still a strong possibility. Substance abuse programs are only there to help, not to cure. Having a better life is a choice dependents have to make for themselves.
Alcohol And Drug Rehabilitation: A Historical Perspective
Every year, the stress of daily life seems to grow more complicated. Cell phones constantly ring; palm-pilots overflow with demanding schedules. Personal lives become complex and unmanageable. The self becomes lost within this whirlwind of relationships, commitments and deadlines. Eventually, pressures become overbearing for both body and mind. This is a major reason why personal health and fitness are so crucial. However, health food and personal trainers are incapable of reaching deep-rooted problems. Addictions are common manifestations of society’s never-ending stress. Luckily, inadequate methods are things of the past. Dependency issues are finally understood, and treatment is possible. A healthy life is now truly attainable.
Rehabilitation of substance abuse strictly relies upon individualism. “Text book cases” and generalized treatments proved inadequate. Everyone is an individual with a different life. Likewise, addiction begins and affects each person differently. Successful treatments first address the pain of each person’s unique experiences; then, they continue by restoring the individuality inevitably lost by addiction. The desperation of feeding addiction usually dulls a person’s unique personality and interests. As healing takes effect, people regain the very identity that made them individuals in the first place.
Dramatic advancements have greatly improved treatment programs/centers. Today, quality rehabilitation centers provide caring, individualized, and holistic treatment. However, memories of past rehabilitation centers and the continuation of outdated programs deter many from a better life. Incorrect treatments of the past proved not only ineffective but also detrimental. An awareness of past programs will assist in the identification of an ideal center.
Past Treatments:For the majority of the nineteenth century addiction and its treatment was extremely misinterpreted. Largely influenced by Prohibition movements and religiously fueled treatment programs, ideas of addiction as a moral weakness continued until the 1970s. The first modern treatment facility was developed in Cleveland in the late 30’s/early 40’s. When the American Medical Association called addiction a “disease” in 1955, the still existing “medical model” to treatment developed.
While “moral model” advocates locked addicts away to prevent the feared debasement of society, proponents of the “medical model” institutionalized people to be “cured.” However, “medication” merely numbed addiction and destroyed an individuals’ identity. An atmosphere of hopelessness and intimidation permeated prison-like quarters. Abusive and unsanitary conditions were common. While these methods failed to treat addiction, they merely intensified the damage that addiction had initiated.
As a “social model” view of addiction developed, community-based programs slowly appeared across the country. Medication became eliminated from treatment programs. No longer viewed as a chemical ailment, addiction became attributed to environmental causes. Finally factors such as family issues and peer pressure were brought to attention. The civil rights movement outlawed abuse, and caring approaches developed. Since negative surroundings were believed to be the cause of addiction, treatment focused on providing positive social settings to bring counteracting effects. Programs became group focused. The actual concept of rehabilitation centers appeared, and out-patient programs developed. Nevertheless, this sole focus on group therapy also proved unable to meet specific needs. The individual still became lost amidst “treatment.” Opportunities to talk about past experiences increased, but counseling and self-exploration remained largely reserved to group sessions. While conditions were no longer dangerous, irrelevant and intimidating activities, such as the cleaning toilets, remained. Although a more humane version of the “medical model” and group-focused “social model” exist today, they still fail to accomplish complete treatment. Permanent recovery is never assured.
Treatment for Today:In 1985 New York became one of the first to combine addiction and mental illness into one treatment. More and more instances of joined treatments appeared in the 1990s. Now in the twenty-first century, although both the “medical” and “social” models of substance treatment still continue, so does evolution. Modernized facilities provide people with unmatchable, long-lasting effects. Grounded in the most up-to-date research, progressive programs stay directly aligned with practices of good health. Past treatments have helped some. But as the combined approach of individualized and holistic methodologies galvanizes the concept of rehabilitation, treatment is not only more effective than ever, but everyone can also achieve outstanding success. Taking California Drug and Alcohol Treatment by storm, evolution has empowered rehabilitation to new frontiers. Wellness can now thrive in all aspects of life.
Finally, rehabilitation not only recognizes, but also places full attention on patient individuality.
While medicine and community may be utilized, programs now use a wide variety of approaches to achieve ideal individualized treatment plans. Beginning with the process of detox, psychiatrists, neuropharmacologists, and nurses provide one-to-one twenty-four-hour assistance. Addiction causes the body to rely upon poison. Highly skilled professionals stand ready for both the effects of substance withdrawal and arising individual complications. As detox enables the body to return to normal functioning, attentive individualized care makes this necessary time as short and painless as possible.
After drug detox frees the body of its dependency, the mind is ready to start its healing journey. Individualized and holistic methods are critical. Programs based on team counseling offer numerous one-on-one sessions from a variety of counselors and constantly revised personal therapy programs. As psychotherapy and hypnotherapy enable the crucial awareness of behaviors and repressed memories, a wide variety of specialized therapies enable further individualized care. Services include marriage/family, spiritual, life purpose, nutritional, image, yoga, and music/art therapy. No longer forced to share personal matters in a group setting, people also benefit from this array of therapy services. With holistic programs, catered to the individual, treatment becomes an unquestionable reality.
Weaving all components of life into recovery, the complete healing of a person’s entire existence can be achieved. During the period of intensive counseling, physical attention furthers the simultaneous mind and body rehabilitation process. Physical training, massage/bodywork, and acupuncture treatment prove extremely effective. While hypnotherapy also works to reduce anxiety, the lulling effects of a luxurious and an outdoor setting rejuvenate the spirit. Eventually, this holistic individualized approach reconnects the body and mind into harmonious wholeness.
Finally treatment is able to eliminate the devastating effects of alcohol and drug abuse, and the everyday concerns of prescription drug addition no longer have to remain part of daily life. The historical development of treatment has come a long way. Recovery does not have to bring further complications or merely touch surface issues. Treatment has the ability to eradicate problems at their source and restore each person’s individual existence to complete health. It is about time.
Rehabilitation of substance abuse strictly relies upon individualism. “Text book cases” and generalized treatments proved inadequate. Everyone is an individual with a different life. Likewise, addiction begins and affects each person differently. Successful treatments first address the pain of each person’s unique experiences; then, they continue by restoring the individuality inevitably lost by addiction. The desperation of feeding addiction usually dulls a person’s unique personality and interests. As healing takes effect, people regain the very identity that made them individuals in the first place.
Dramatic advancements have greatly improved treatment programs/centers. Today, quality rehabilitation centers provide caring, individualized, and holistic treatment. However, memories of past rehabilitation centers and the continuation of outdated programs deter many from a better life. Incorrect treatments of the past proved not only ineffective but also detrimental. An awareness of past programs will assist in the identification of an ideal center.
Past Treatments:For the majority of the nineteenth century addiction and its treatment was extremely misinterpreted. Largely influenced by Prohibition movements and religiously fueled treatment programs, ideas of addiction as a moral weakness continued until the 1970s. The first modern treatment facility was developed in Cleveland in the late 30’s/early 40’s. When the American Medical Association called addiction a “disease” in 1955, the still existing “medical model” to treatment developed.
While “moral model” advocates locked addicts away to prevent the feared debasement of society, proponents of the “medical model” institutionalized people to be “cured.” However, “medication” merely numbed addiction and destroyed an individuals’ identity. An atmosphere of hopelessness and intimidation permeated prison-like quarters. Abusive and unsanitary conditions were common. While these methods failed to treat addiction, they merely intensified the damage that addiction had initiated.
As a “social model” view of addiction developed, community-based programs slowly appeared across the country. Medication became eliminated from treatment programs. No longer viewed as a chemical ailment, addiction became attributed to environmental causes. Finally factors such as family issues and peer pressure were brought to attention. The civil rights movement outlawed abuse, and caring approaches developed. Since negative surroundings were believed to be the cause of addiction, treatment focused on providing positive social settings to bring counteracting effects. Programs became group focused. The actual concept of rehabilitation centers appeared, and out-patient programs developed. Nevertheless, this sole focus on group therapy also proved unable to meet specific needs. The individual still became lost amidst “treatment.” Opportunities to talk about past experiences increased, but counseling and self-exploration remained largely reserved to group sessions. While conditions were no longer dangerous, irrelevant and intimidating activities, such as the cleaning toilets, remained. Although a more humane version of the “medical model” and group-focused “social model” exist today, they still fail to accomplish complete treatment. Permanent recovery is never assured.
Treatment for Today:In 1985 New York became one of the first to combine addiction and mental illness into one treatment. More and more instances of joined treatments appeared in the 1990s. Now in the twenty-first century, although both the “medical” and “social” models of substance treatment still continue, so does evolution. Modernized facilities provide people with unmatchable, long-lasting effects. Grounded in the most up-to-date research, progressive programs stay directly aligned with practices of good health. Past treatments have helped some. But as the combined approach of individualized and holistic methodologies galvanizes the concept of rehabilitation, treatment is not only more effective than ever, but everyone can also achieve outstanding success. Taking California Drug and Alcohol Treatment by storm, evolution has empowered rehabilitation to new frontiers. Wellness can now thrive in all aspects of life.
Finally, rehabilitation not only recognizes, but also places full attention on patient individuality.
While medicine and community may be utilized, programs now use a wide variety of approaches to achieve ideal individualized treatment plans. Beginning with the process of detox, psychiatrists, neuropharmacologists, and nurses provide one-to-one twenty-four-hour assistance. Addiction causes the body to rely upon poison. Highly skilled professionals stand ready for both the effects of substance withdrawal and arising individual complications. As detox enables the body to return to normal functioning, attentive individualized care makes this necessary time as short and painless as possible.
After drug detox frees the body of its dependency, the mind is ready to start its healing journey. Individualized and holistic methods are critical. Programs based on team counseling offer numerous one-on-one sessions from a variety of counselors and constantly revised personal therapy programs. As psychotherapy and hypnotherapy enable the crucial awareness of behaviors and repressed memories, a wide variety of specialized therapies enable further individualized care. Services include marriage/family, spiritual, life purpose, nutritional, image, yoga, and music/art therapy. No longer forced to share personal matters in a group setting, people also benefit from this array of therapy services. With holistic programs, catered to the individual, treatment becomes an unquestionable reality.
Weaving all components of life into recovery, the complete healing of a person’s entire existence can be achieved. During the period of intensive counseling, physical attention furthers the simultaneous mind and body rehabilitation process. Physical training, massage/bodywork, and acupuncture treatment prove extremely effective. While hypnotherapy also works to reduce anxiety, the lulling effects of a luxurious and an outdoor setting rejuvenate the spirit. Eventually, this holistic individualized approach reconnects the body and mind into harmonious wholeness.
Finally treatment is able to eliminate the devastating effects of alcohol and drug abuse, and the everyday concerns of prescription drug addition no longer have to remain part of daily life. The historical development of treatment has come a long way. Recovery does not have to bring further complications or merely touch surface issues. Treatment has the ability to eradicate problems at their source and restore each person’s individual existence to complete health. It is about time.
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